How God Changed my Life in One Year

My life looked completely different one year ago.

I had just graduated college, and then BOOM - pandemic. Businesses shut down all across the globe, which made getting a job pretty much impossible. I was forced to move back in with my parents, which although it was very kind of them to let me back in, caused a lot of tension. I hadn’t lived at home in 4 years, and now all of a sudden I had a curfew? I’m 22, mom. You can’t ground me.

On top of that, I was lonely. I had tried out a few dating apps (ended up dating a gay guy for a couple months, but that’s a story for another time), but ultimately always ended up back in the same spot - disappointed and brokenhearted. I wanted to find someone to spend my life with so badly, but no one felt “right”.

So there I stood, single, bachelor’s in hand, completely unsure of what was coming next. I had nothing - it was just me and my Communication Studies degree. It felt like my world had stopped moving, and I wasn’t sure if I was ever going to get out of my childhood bedroom.

I know I’m not alone in this. The graduating class of 2020 all got to watch their names scroll by on a screen instead of walking across a stage. People who were just a few years shy of retirement got laid off. The pandemic didn’t care who we were or where we came from, we all got our stuff rocked.

The only thing that kept me sane during this time (and I do mean the only thing) was my incredibly active imagination. I’ve always been a daydreamer; creating what seem like too far-fetched scenarios in my brain space to help me deal with the mundane and often disappointing world around me. When I laid down at night, my mind would drift off to a place where everything was…well, normal. Nothing crazy or extravagant, just normal.

I pictured myself working in an office. I pictured myself coming home to a one bedroom apartment, perfectly decorated. I pictured myself in love, and in the arms of a handsome, tattooed man. I pictured myself doing receiving my first “big girl” pay check. I pictured the life that I wish I had been given after I graduated, and I did so until I fell asleep. Every. Single. Night.

Fast forward to today.

I went into my job at an adorable office as a full-time employee. When 5 o’clock rolled around, I came home to my immaculate one bedroom apartment, where I was able to cook whatever I desired for dinner from a fully-stocked refrigerator. I am now drinking a glass of wine, and am seated across from the love of my life while I type this (and before you ask - yes, he is handsome and tattooed).

And before any of you new-agers come out of the woodwork saying that “I manifested this” - not on my good Christian blog.

I can’t take credit for where I am today. I wish that I could say that I worked my butt off and pulled myself up out of the grave I was in and fought tooth and nail to get where I am today, but then I would be lying to you. I was far too busy throwing a pity party to claw my way out of anywhere. I voluntarily laid down in that grave, and, with dramatic flair, crossed my hands over my chest and sulked.

I got my job because someone my mom used to work with saw that I was “#opentowork” on LinkedIn. I can afford my perfectly decorated apartment because the job I have just so happens to be in leasing, and I get a discount. I met my boyfriend because, although we had known of each other for two years, he decided that night in September of 2020 was the right time to say hi to me at the bar. Looking back at all of the events that lead up to today, they could have only been orchestrated by God. They were too randomly perfect not to be.

Do you see what I mean? I didn’t do anything to earn this. I just prayed and trusted that God is faithful, and He loved me enough to put me in all the right places at all the right times.

And although some days are overwhelming and the stress of it all makes my eye twitch, at the end of the day I am reminded that the life that I am living now is the life that I dreamt about one year go. I am exactly where I had convinced myself I would never be.

That’s just how good God is. He’ll never leave you in the dirt. He will always pull you out, brush you off, and remind you that better things are coming -

“My child, don’t you see? All good things come from Me. I make you new each day, and my love for you never fades.”

My Fitness Journey

When I was in high school, I heard tons of cautionary tales about the “freshman fifteen” - AKA, “you go to college and eat nothing but crap because you’re poor and you stop exercising because you’re so busy and also drinking is a thing so you gain a lot of weight.”

I was a size 0 in high school. I played soccer, did show choir, ran track, danced, was a cheerleader - the whole shabang. I was never not involved in a physical activity, and upon hearing about the dreaded freshman fifteen, I merely shrugged and said “that will never be me. I’ll always have time to exercise!”

Oh poor, young, naive Bailey.

In my first year of college, I went from a size 0 to a size 4. Now, a lot of this came from the fact that my body decided to develop a more ~womanly figure~, but it was also partly due to the fact that I didn’t go to the gym more than once a month - if that. I became so self-conscious…which is just ridiculous right? A size 4 is not big by any means, but it was the biggest that I had ever been, and therefore I viewed myself as overweight.

This combined with the anxiety that comes along with college resulted in me having an unhealthy relationship with food. I felt incredibly guilty if I ate anything that was even moderately unhealthy, and because I was a freshman with a dining plan, I spent a majority of my time living under the weight of food guilt. It got to the point where I would sometimes skip meals, and then purge snacks at 2 am while I was doing homework.

Basically, I didn’t have a healthy relationship with eating.

Fast forward one year, and I’m living in an apartment. I had a kitchen, which allowed me to cook for myself. I also had a large living room, where I had space to exercise. The issue was that, because I had spent a year eating terribly and not exercising, motivating myself to do so was incredibly difficult.

I ended up trying a diet that my parents were on, called Xyngular. It was a combination of keto (no carbs, no sugar) and supplements that were supposed to help reset your body. In the first 8 days of the diet, I lost 10 pounds. I was so proud of myself, but little did I know that I was actually contributing to the unhealthy mindset that I had about my body and food.

To make a long story short, after about 10 days my body developed an allergy to the supplements I was taking and I ended up in the emergency room, covered head to toe with hives. Goodbye, keto.

I quickly fell back into not exercising and filling my body with junk, and then feeling guilty about doing so. This continued for the next year and a half or so, until this last Summer. Some incredibly emotional events transpired, and I couldn’t bring myself to get out of bed or eat for an entire week. My best friend tried in vain to get me to eat anything, but I was so depressed I could barely get anything down.

The worst part was that I kind of liked it. I liked not eating. I looked in the mirror and saw the skinny girl that I was in high school, and I wanted her to stick around.

I began going to the gym during this time, but my body was so weak from not eating that it was hard to exercise for more than 15 minutes at a time, which made me feel bad about myself.

I eventually started seeing a therapist, and I talked to her about my negative relationship with eating. I told her about the wave of shame that I felt whenever I ate something “unhealthy” or if I skipped a day at the gym. She explained to me that the shame I was feeling stemmed from my need for control, which made a lot of sense to me. I was in a spot in my life where I felt incredibly out of control, so I was attempting to control anything that I could - in this case, my weight.

She told me to work on detaching my view of “being healthy” from “being skinny.” She also told me that mindful eating, not restrictive eating, was the key to relieving my food anxiety and improving my health.

Mindful eating is not a diet, therefore is not restrictive. It focuses on building an awareness of what you’re feeling and combining that with the food you take in. Basically, there is no “right” or “wrong” way to eat, you just need to listen to your body and acknowledge what you’re feeling as you do so.

This concept sounds so flowery and hippy-ish to me, but y’all…it works. I barely struggle with food anxiety anymore. Don’t get me wrong, it still tries to creep in sometimes, but I just have to remind myself that I am a human being and that there is nothing wrong with eating.

This carried over to exercise for me. I aim to go to the gym 4-5 times a week, but if I miss a day, it’s no longer the end of the world. I’m a busy girl, and if I want to skip the gym to go to bed an hour early, I am allowed to do so. I am in a much healthier mindset now, and my body is rewarding me for it. I am now the healthiest that I have ever been, and it’s because I started with taking care of my mental health first. You cannot be physically healthy until you are mentally healthy.

If you have ever experienced food guilt, felt out of control, struggled with an eating disorder, or felt self-conscious about your weight, I want you to know that you are not alone. There are billions of people on this earth who have been in the same mindset that you are (including myself), and I want to let you know that it’s okay to reach out and ask for help. I wouldn’t have ended up in the place I am without it.

If you need help, the National Eating Disorder Hotline is (800) 931-2237. You can always reach out to me for prayer as well, and I will support you in any way that I can.

You are beautiful, loved, and worthy of the space you occupy in this world. Remember that!

xo,

Bailey

My Night Routine

Mornings are not my thing. I have tried so many times to implement a solid morning routine, but I am an absolute master at hitting the snooze button on my alarm. My night routine however, has been the same for a very long time. I actually look forward to getting ready for bed - it’s become a sort of ritual for me, and helps me unwind after a long day.

So if you have trouble relaxing or getting to sleep, this ones for you.

The very first thing that I do is plug in my phone and set it to do not disturb. I also take this time to set my alarm for the next day. It’s recommended that you don’t have screen time for about one hour prior to going to sleep, so I usually aim for at least 30 minutes. I have found that science is right (crazy right? Who would have thought that scientists who dedicate their lives to studying sleep know what they’re talking about?) , and that I do fall asleep much faster than when I’m on my phone right before going to bed.

Once technology is out of the way, I make my room as zen as possible (I kind of hate that I just used that word, but let’s just roll with it). I turn off my main lights and turn on the various lamps I have around my room, as they all give off a much softer, warm light that makes me feel sleepy. I then turn on my essential oil diffuser, which I fill with one of the following combinations:

• Panic Button - my favorite and what I usually sleep with. It’s a combination of neroli and rose, which helps aid in anxiety relief.

• Lavender and tea tree - lavender has calming effects, while tea tree works to cleanse your environment.

• Rosemary and frankincense - rosemary activates the creativity center in your brain, and I’ve found that I dream more when I have rosemary running. Frankincense is an earthy scent which balances the vibrant scent that rosemary has.

• Thieves - a combination of cinnamon, clove, lemon, and rosemary oils. If you feel yourself getting sick or if someone that you live with is sick and you don’t want to catch it, try this one. It has preventative properties, and is great for preventing things like the common cold and relieving the severity of seasonal allergies. I have this in a roller that I rub on when I feel gross!

Once that’s all set up, I wash my face. I shared my skin care routine in another post (linked here), but here’s the quick rundown:

1. Wet my face with warm water, which opens my pores and allows my cleanser to actually do its job.

2. Using a pea sized amount of CeraVe’s foaming facial cleanser, I rub my face in upward, circular motions (always rub product upward - it prevents premature sagging and wrinkles!). This is usually enough to remove all of my makeup, but if it’s not I’ll repeat the process.

3. Rinse cleanser off with cool water to close pores.

4. Rub on tretinoin cream (my prescription to fight acne - also talked about in my skin post).

5. Moisturize with CeraVe PM lotion. Like, a lot of it. We’re not peeling today, ladies.

That was a really unnecessarily detailed play by play, and I’m sure you all know how to wash your face, but hey…extra detail never hurts.

After that, I spend at least 5 full minutes on my knees in prayer. I think this posture is really important, and at the end of a long day when my mind is filled with a thousand and one thoughts, it helps me focus on what I’m doing. Talking to God is precious, and the last thing I want is to be lifting up an absent-minded prayer. Prayer is powerful, so I make this 5+ minutes very intentional and intimate with God.

(Side note: have you ever thought about how crazy it is that He hears us? Like…God, the Creator of the universe and everything in it, who knows the thoughts of all of the billions of people on earth, takes the time to hear our requests. That is absolutely mind blowing.)

I then get into bed and underneath my 3,473 blankets (okay, it’s not that many - but it is 3 very thick and fuzzy ones), and I journal about my day. Writing about everything that happened that day helps me to process my emotions - which if you know me, does not come easy. That’s why I put in the extra effort to write everything down. It helps me make sense of things, and it also serves as a place for me to vent about the negative things that may have happened. It’s my way of saying goodbye to that day - I dump all the negativity onto the page so I can let it go and be ready to take on the new day when I wake up.

The last thing that I do is write in my gratitude journal. I am an anxious person, and I remember hearing one time that the opposite of anxiety is gratitude. If you focus on all of the things you’re thankful for, it’s much harder for those negative thoughts to occupy space in your brain. I write one thing that I’m thankful for, one thing that I will remember the following day, and one word that I think recaps the day I had. This helps me go to sleep with a positive mindset, and since I started doing it about a year ago my sleep quality has improved immensely. It seems kind of silly, but it’s crazy how much something as little as writing what you’re thankful about can relieve anxiety and help you sleep.

By the time all of this is done, I can barely keep my eyes open. It’s snooze time, baby.

Now it’s your turn! I wanna hear about your night routine, so comment below your “musts” before you go to bed.

If you have anything that you want me to talk about, ideas for posts, or questions, please let me know! I love hearing from you guys and am always looking for new things to write about.

xo,

Bailey

How I Cleared Up My Skin

When I say my skin was bad, I mean it was bad. It was like someone had published a book in braille on my face. It got significantly worse my freshman year of college, and eventually I got fed up with having to cake on ten pounds of concealer everyday just so I felt okay enough to go out in public. I sent my mom this picture and said “I need to go to a dermatologist.”

Now, keep in mind that I had been to a dermatologist before. He prescribed me an antibiotic pill called doxycycline, along with benzoyl peroxide and adapalene ointments that I was to switch off using every other night. I washed my face every morning and every with PanOxyl, a face wash that has benzoyl peroxide in it, and used an unscented moisturizer. I felt like I was doing everything right.

So you can imagine my frustration when nothing changed - well, aside from the dryness of my skin. I normally have pretty oily skin, but the combination of the ointments and medicated face wash caused my face to peel like crazy. My skin is also incredibly sensitive, so I felt like I had windburn pretty much 24/7.

My mom took pity on me, and agreed to send me to a dermatologist in the town I was living in for college. I was excited to see someone new, considering nothing that I had been told to do by my previous derm was working.

I kid you not, this woman walked into the room, took one look at my face, and said “oh honey, that’s not acne.”

Excuse me?

“Those are flat warts.”

EXCUSE ME?

I was disgusted to say the least. Warts? On my face? Absolutely not. No. Ew ew ew, no!

She explained to me that this is actually a pretty common thing, which made me feel a little better. No wonder none of the other treatments were working!

I was told to discontinue taking the antibiotic and to stop using the benzoyl peroxide, adapalene, and PanOxyl. She prescribed me tretinoin, which she explained to me is something that’s used in anti-aging products because it enhances cell turnover. Basically, it was going to start at the bottom layer of my skin and work its way up to the top, cleaning my pores along the way.

She also told me that, because of how sensitive my skin is, I needed to use a gentle cleanser. She told me to use CeraVe foaming facial cleanser, and to follow it up with CeraVe AM/PM moisturizer.

Y’all…my skin was clear in a month.

A month!

I hadn’t had clear skin since puberty, so I was pretty ecstatic…and if I’m being honest, I still am! I know the whole “you don’t need to wear makeup to be beautiful blah blah blah,” but it really is so nice (and relieving) to not have to be self-conscious about my skin when I go out.

This is me now, only wearing mascara. Something that I felt insecure doing 3 years ago!

Now I understand that the dermatologist is not an option for everyone. However, if I could recommend one thing, it would be to invest in a gentle, unscented cleanser (like CeraVe, which is linked here), and to pair it with a gentle, unscented moisturizer. I personally like using the AM/PM moisturizers, since the AM has sunscreen in it and the PM is a bit thicker so it stays on overnight (the two I use are linked here and here). I also advise you to stay away from face masks with fragrance - if you want to do a mask, use something unscented and with a clay base. The less ingredients, the better!

Let that be the common theme for your skin care routine - the less stuff, the better. Don’t fall for the hype with things like essential oils, spot treatments, or sheet masks. While these things aren’t inherently bad, they don’t necessarily do much for the betterment of your skin - and if you have ultra-sensitive skin like me, then they’re more likely to lead to a breakout.

Find something simple, wash your face day and night, and stick with the same routine for at least six months. This gives your skin enough time to turn over new cells and adjust to your new routine. Nothing wrong with treating yourself to a fun face mask or oil treatment every once and awhile, but I’ve found that keeping it simple is a safe bet for clear skin.

Oh, and drink some water, will you?

I hope this helps, and share your skin care tips in the comments below! I’d love to hear from you guys!