struggle — Faith — The Light Collective

My anxiety has been kicking my butt lately.

The thing is, nothing is really going on. Other than the normal amount of stress than accompanies school, I have absolutely nothing to be anxious about - yet I constantly have this overwhelming feeling of anxiety and dread that something bad is going to happen. It has become such a familiar feeling that I’ve grown completely numb to its presence in my life. I don’t even try to remove it anymore; it’s like a dark passenger that’s just along for the ride. Every step I take, it’s right there with me.

This has begun to impact my spiritual life. I keep calling out to God to remove this thorn in my side, but He doesn’t - and I get frustrated. I’m so unfocused that even doing the smallest of tasks like reading my Bible or journaling feel pointless. I find my mind drifting off to a dark place. A sinful place.

This has been going on for weeks. I was in desperate need of an attitude adjustment. I couldn’t hear God’s voice, and I was beginning to think that He wasn’t even listening to my prayers.

And then He came down and delivered the most powerful spiritual uppercut that I have ever received.

I was trying to do some Bible reading, and I could feel my mind beginning to drift and think about other things. I was determined to focus though - I was so tired of this anxiety - so I audibly yelled “NO” and pushed those thoughts out.

And all of a sudden it clicked.

I have the strength in me to say no.

A light in my brain turned on and illuminated all of the darkness that I had been sitting in for weeks. All of the crap that I had been holding onto, all of the sinful thoughts, all of the guilt and shame and anxiety that I was feeling was bathed in light, and it was in that moment that I realized that all of that bad stuff had absolutely no power over me.

And then God spoke.

“Stand up and fight,” He said.

Stand up and fight.

I had spent weeks playing victim to my anxious thoughts. I had let them completely consume the precious space in my head. I thought that there was nothing I could do about it, and that this darkness that I was feeling was something that I was stuck with. The enemy had convinced me that I had no power over my own thoughts - how ridiculous is that?

We are a sinful people. It’s in our nature to sin. It’s literally bred into us. The cool thing is however, that while it is our tendency to lean towards sin, through Christ we have the ability to say no. We have the power to crush every negative thought that passes through our minds. The same spirit that brought Jesus back from the grave is alive in us. The same spirit that triumphed over sin is alive in us.

We are no longer victims to our anxiety.

We are no longer victims to our sin.

Jesus dying on the cross ensured that we never have to be victims again.

After all of this, God lead me to 1 Timothy 6:11-12. It says this:

“But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance, and gentleness. Fight the good fight of faith. Take hold of the eternal life that you have been called to.”

It goes on to say this in verse 20:

“Guard what has been entrusted to your care. Turn away from the godless chatter and false knowledge of the world that has been professed, and in doing so has wandered from faith.”

God created your mind to be a dwelling place for Him. Your brain is a sacred place in which God communicates with you and reveals to you his purpose, as well as His love and grace. Your mind is not a place for anxiety. It is not a place for sin. By feeding into those feelings and thoughts, you’re desecrating the precious gift that God has given to you. The enemy is going to lie to you and tell you that you’re not strong enough to change your mind. You don’t deserve to be happy. This is just how things are. He will tell you anything he can to ensure that your mind stays dark -

Don’t believe him.

It’s a daily battle. You have to want to overcome it - and I have faith that you can. Dive into your Bible, even when you don’t feel like it. Arm yourself with the goodness of the word of God. Your strongest weapon against the enemy is the truth of the Gospel.

You don’t have to be a victim anymore.

You deserve a clear mind.

You have the power to say no.

Stand up and fight.

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Songs that are sure to pump you up for battle:

You Make Me Brave - Amanda Cook, Bethel Music

Singing in the Victory - Austin Stone Worship

Gravity - Jenn Johnson, Brian Johnson

I Love You - Sarah Reeves

Call Upon the Lord - Elevation Worship

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@thelightclctive

If I'm being brutally honest, I've felt more disconnected from Jesus these past few months than I have in awhile. Not for any particular reason - nothing bad has happened that has made me want to distance myself, but nothing over-the-top exciting is happening to set me on fire either. You hear people talk about hills and valleys all the time, but I want to talk to you about the place that I am, and I'm sure many of you may be too -

the plains.

I'm an Iowa native, so I'm all too familiar with this kind of terrain. Very flat, very uninteresting, not a lot going on - like a geographical pancake. Driving through Iowa can be both dull and confusing, because all of the landscape looks exactly the same. I often find myself struggling to find ways to entertain myself on long drives across state, because focusing on the road itself is just so boring.

Spiritual plains aren't that different - when you're in a spiritual plain, doing things as small as reading your Bible can become tedious. It becomes difficult to hear Him. It's almost like you're stumbling around in a pitch black room trying to find the light switch so you can see where you are and where the door is, but you can't find it. In prayer, I often find myself asking God "what next?"or "what's the purpose of all of this waiting?"

"Are You even there?"

The answer (although it may be hard to believe) is yes. God never leaves your side no matter what.

So, why the silent treatment?

Growing up in Iowa, I learned quite a few things about farming (haha, let the stereotypical Iowa jokes begin). We're nicknamed "the corn state," because that is our primary crop to grow and export. Our land is perfect for it - we have rainy weather all through April, which is when the seeds are planted. The balance of humid and dry days throughout the summer months provide a stable climate for the seeds to cultivate. But most importantly of all, it's nice and flat, which makes it easy to plow and tend to. Corn can't grow in the bumpy terrain of the Colorado rockies, nor can it grow in the mossy swamps of Florida. It takes a very special kind of land for the seeds to take root and thrive.

In other words, the plains are perfect for growth.

When a seed is planted, it can't see what's going on - all it can see is the darkness of the soil surrounding it. Then slowly, over time, it begins to change. It begins to get bigger and sprout, eventually poking its way through the earth and up into the world. By harvest season, it's full grown and ready to fulfill its purpose.

You've heard of God the Father...now get ready to meet God the Farmer.

James 5:7-8 says "Be patient, then, brothers, until the Lord's coming. See how the farmer waits for the land to yield its valuable crop and how patient he is for the autumn and spring rains. You too, be patient and stand firm, because the Lord's coming is near."

You may feel like nothing's happening, but that's only because growing takes time. God has planted you in exactly the place you need to be in order to thrive. He knows how much rain you need and how much sun. He takes the time to pluck weeds out of your way so you can better spread your roots. He is tenderly caring for you and protecting you.

It may feel tedious and monotonous, but you should definitely take this time to dive into His word. Think of it as adding fertilizer - it'll help you grow.

And remember -

no matter how unsure you feel, you can count on one thing for certain - God is using this time in the plain to grow you and shape you so that you're ready to fulfill your purpose in the harvest season.

Have confidence in that.

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Songs to jam out to while you grow:

So Will I (100 Billion X) - Hillsong United

Shadow Step - Hillsong United

Good Fight - Unspoken

Hope in Front of Me - Danny Gokey

The Lord our God - Passion, Kristian Stanfill

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@thelightclctive