Stand Up and Fight

My anxiety has been kicking my butt lately.

The thing is, nothing is really going on. Other than the normal amount of stress than accompanies school, I have absolutely nothing to be anxious about - yet I constantly have this overwhelming feeling of anxiety and dread that something bad is going to happen. It has become such a familiar feeling that I’ve grown completely numb to its presence in my life. I don’t even try to remove it anymore; it’s like a dark passenger that’s just along for the ride. Every step I take, it’s right there with me.

This has begun to impact my spiritual life. I keep calling out to God to remove this thorn in my side, but He doesn’t - and I get frustrated. I’m so unfocused that even doing the smallest of tasks like reading my Bible or journaling feel pointless. I find my mind drifting off to a dark place. A sinful place.

This has been going on for weeks. I was in desperate need of an attitude adjustment. I couldn’t hear God’s voice, and I was beginning to think that He wasn’t even listening to my prayers.

And then He came down and delivered the most powerful spiritual uppercut that I have ever received.

I was trying to do some Bible reading, and I could feel my mind beginning to drift and think about other things. I was determined to focus though - I was so tired of this anxiety - so I audibly yelled “NO” and pushed those thoughts out.

And all of a sudden it clicked.

I have the strength in me to say no.

A light in my brain turned on and illuminated all of the darkness that I had been sitting in for weeks. All of the crap that I had been holding onto, all of the sinful thoughts, all of the guilt and shame and anxiety that I was feeling was bathed in light, and it was in that moment that I realized that all of that bad stuff had absolutely no power over me.

And then God spoke.

“Stand up and fight,” He said.

Stand up and fight.

I had spent weeks playing victim to my anxious thoughts. I had let them completely consume the precious space in my head. I thought that there was nothing I could do about it, and that this darkness that I was feeling was something that I was stuck with. The enemy had convinced me that I had no power over my own thoughts - how ridiculous is that?

We are a sinful people. It’s in our nature to sin. It’s literally bred into us. The cool thing is however, that while it is our tendency to lean towards sin, through Christ we have the ability to say no. We have the power to crush every negative thought that passes through our minds. The same spirit that brought Jesus back from the grave is alive in us. The same spirit that triumphed over sin is alive in us.

We are no longer victims to our anxiety.

We are no longer victims to our sin.

Jesus dying on the cross ensured that we never have to be victims again.

After all of this, God lead me to 1 Timothy 6:11-12. It says this:

“But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance, and gentleness. Fight the good fight of faith. Take hold of the eternal life that you have been called to.”

It goes on to say this in verse 20:

“Guard what has been entrusted to your care. Turn away from the godless chatter and false knowledge of the world that has been professed, and in doing so has wandered from faith.”

God created your mind to be a dwelling place for Him. Your brain is a sacred place in which God communicates with you and reveals to you his purpose, as well as His love and grace. Your mind is not a place for anxiety. It is not a place for sin. By feeding into those feelings and thoughts, you’re desecrating the precious gift that God has given to you. The enemy is going to lie to you and tell you that you’re not strong enough to change your mind. You don’t deserve to be happy. This is just how things are. He will tell you anything he can to ensure that your mind stays dark -

Don’t believe him.

It’s a daily battle. You have to want to overcome it - and I have faith that you can. Dive into your Bible, even when you don’t feel like it. Arm yourself with the goodness of the word of God. Your strongest weapon against the enemy is the truth of the Gospel.

You don’t have to be a victim anymore.

You deserve a clear mind.

You have the power to say no.

Stand up and fight.

_________________________

Songs that are sure to pump you up for battle:

You Make Me Brave - Amanda Cook, Bethel Music

Singing in the Victory - Austin Stone Worship

Gravity - Jenn Johnson, Brian Johnson

I Love You - Sarah Reeves

Call Upon the Lord - Elevation Worship

_________________________

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xo

@thelightclctive

Hot Mess

My dating life is a complete mess.

It's been a mess for awhile - since second semester my junior year of high school, to be exact.

Going into my freshman year of college, I was in an extremely unhealthy relationship with a boy that I had started dating in high school. He was sweet and funny, and we shared a lot of common interests. When that dissolved however, our relationship was filled with unhappiness, lies, incessant fighting, and impurity. 

Yet I still thought that I wanted to marry him.

Fast forward a couple months and we've broken up, and I immediately start talking to another boy. He was mysterious and artistic, and he made me mixtapes filled with all kinds of incredible music. When all of that dissolved however, our relationship was filled with unhappiness, lies, incessant fighting, and impurity.

Yet I still thought I wanted to marry him.

Fast forward a few more months and we've broken up, and I immediately start talking to another boy. He was a Christian and went to church with me, prayed with me, took me on dates, and was respectful. When all of that dissolved however, our relationship was filled with unhappiness, lies, incessant fighting, and impurity.

Yet I still thought I wanted to marry him.

Are you seeing the pattern yet?

All of my romantic relationships have followed the same timeline. For the first few months, it's amazing. It's exciting getting to know someone and go on dates and ride that "honeymoon high." I do everything I can to make the guy happy, even if it means compromising my morals to do so. Eventually, when the excitement fades, communication becomes sparse and I'm filled with anxiety. Not wanting to put myself through a breakup, this is about the time that I start compromising my morals to try to get them to stay. It never works, the fighting continues and escalates, and it results in a breakup. Every. Single. Time.

You would think that after years of repetition, I would figure out what I was doing wrong and fix it. It wasn't until this summer that I finally found the key.

You see, I really desire marriage - I spend way too much time thinking about the ring, the dress, the venue... spending eternity with the person I love is my dream. I want it so badly that it clouds my judgment in relationships and makes me want to hold onto the wrong boys.

After my last boyfriend and I broke up, I wrote a letter to God. In the letter, I wrote:

"I give my heart away to any person who asks for it. I'm tired, Father. I'm tired of trying to find satisfaction in boys when you're the only one who can satisfy. Tonight, I only have one request - that you take my heart in its entirety and hold onto it until the right boy comes. Until then, keep it safe and protected, guard it, and fill it in the way that only You can."

And let me tell you -

God did some wild things.

Instead of feeling broken and devastated the next morning (as you usually do after a breakup), I felt peaceful. Don't get me wrong, a lot of pain was still there - but amidst all of the pain I felt this gentle, incredible warmth. It was like I was being wrapped in a gigantic hug, and it stayed with me throughout the day.

Day by day, I got stronger. More independent.

I started reading my Bible and journaling more. Instead of writing normal prayers, it was kind of like having a pen pal - I told Him how my day went and was honest about my feelings. I shared everything ranging from my most anxious of thoughts to my loftiest dream.

I started to take better care of myself. Not because I wanted to impress anyone, but because I wanted to take better care of the body God created for me. I got on a regular exercise regimen and cut out sugar, and I started getting more sleep a night.

And then something amazing happened.

I woke up one day and felt total satisfaction. I can't even describe it, I feel like a totally new person. Every person that I see gets a smile, and I have this overwhelming urge to tell everyone how amazing and loved they are. I look in the mirror and I adore my reflection. I go to church and I worship with both hands up without a care in the world. I've stopped blaming myself for everything, and I feel at peace with mistakes that I had made in the past. I have fallen completely in love with myself -

and it's all because I have completely fallen in love with Jesus.

Psalm 139:13 says:

"You formed my inward parts; You knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are Your works; my soul knows it very well."

God made your heart, you can trust Him to take care of it. I was a hot mess for so long, but when I gave Jesus my whole heart, He filled me to the brim with love. He satisfied my every want. This is truly the best thing that I have ever done for myself; I have never felt so secure. I no longer seek comfort from boys, and in fact, I don't even feel like I need a boyfriend - I've got other things to do!

What I realized is that I spent so much time pining after a marriage and the future that I wasn't enjoying what was right in front of me. I was living in a "what if" world, and it kept me from feeling satisfied. God was blessing me with gift after gift, and I was so focused on my future that I didn't even notice.

I don't want to miss any more time - these are years of my life that I can never get back. I want to live them as fully as possible, so someday when I actually am married I can look back and feel content knowing that I took nothing for granted. That "someday" could be 5 years from now, or it could be 15 -

why would I waste that precious time worrying about my future when it's already taken care of?

Learn to trust in His perfect timing.

Learn to live in the present, it truly is a gift.

Learn to love Jesus. It'll help you love yourself more. It'll help you love others more.

_________________________

Songs to listen to while you learn to love yourself (and be completely satisfied in Jesus!):

Something About You - Sarah Reeves

Shadow Step - Hillsong United

Found in You - Vertical Worship

You Make Me Brave - Amanda Cook, Bethel Music

Let Them See You - JJ Weeks Band

_________________________

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xo

@thelightclctive

God the Farmer

If I'm being brutally honest, I've felt more disconnected from Jesus these past few months than I have in awhile. Not for any particular reason - nothing bad has happened that has made me want to distance myself, but nothing over-the-top exciting is happening to set me on fire either. You hear people talk about hills and valleys all the time, but I want to talk to you about the place that I am, and I'm sure many of you may be too -

the plains.

I'm an Iowa native, so I'm all too familiar with this kind of terrain. Very flat, very uninteresting, not a lot going on - like a geographical pancake. Driving through Iowa can be both dull and confusing, because all of the landscape looks exactly the same. I often find myself struggling to find ways to entertain myself on long drives across state, because focusing on the road itself is just so boring.

Spiritual plains aren't that different - when you're in a spiritual plain, doing things as small as reading your Bible can become tedious. It becomes difficult to hear Him. It's almost like you're stumbling around in a pitch black room trying to find the light switch so you can see where you are and where the door is, but you can't find it. In prayer, I often find myself asking God "what next?"or "what's the purpose of all of this waiting?"

"Are You even there?" 

The answer (although it may be hard to believe) is yes. God never leaves your side no matter what.

So, why the silent treatment?

Growing up in Iowa, I learned quite a few things about farming (haha, let the stereotypical Iowa jokes begin). We're nicknamed "the corn state," because that is our primary crop to grow and export. Our land is perfect for it - we have rainy weather all through April, which is when the seeds are planted. The balance of humid and dry days throughout the summer months provide a stable climate for the seeds to cultivate. But most importantly of all, it's nice and flat, which makes it easy to plow and tend to. Corn can't grow in the bumpy terrain of the Colorado rockies, nor can it grow in the mossy swamps of Florida. It takes a very special kind of land for the seeds to take root and thrive.

In other words, the plains are perfect for growth.

When a seed is planted, it can't see what's going on - all it can see is the darkness of the soil surrounding it. Then slowly, over time, it begins to change. It begins to get bigger and sprout, eventually poking its way through the earth and up into the world. By harvest season, it's full grown and ready to fulfill its purpose.

You've heard of God the Father...now get ready to meet God the Farmer.

James 5:7-8 says "Be patient, then, brothers, until the Lord's coming. See how the farmer waits for the land to yield its valuable crop and how patient he is for the autumn and spring rains. You too, be patient and stand firm, because the Lord's coming is near."

You may feel like nothing's happening, but that's only because growing takes time. God has planted you in exactly the place you need to be in order to thrive. He knows how much rain you need and how much sun. He takes the time to pluck weeds out of your way so you can better spread your roots. He is tenderly caring for you and protecting you.

It may feel tedious and monotonous, but you should definitely take this time to dive into His word. Think of it as adding fertilizer - it'll help you grow.

And remember -

no matter how unsure you feel, you can count on one thing for certain - God is using this time in the plain to grow you and shape you so that you're ready to fulfill your purpose in the harvest season.

Have confidence in that.

_________________________

Songs to jam out to while you grow:

So Will I (100 Billion X) - Hillsong United

Shadow Step - Hillsong United

Good Fight - Unspoken

Hope in Front of Me - Danny Gokey

The Lord our God - Passion, Kristian Stanfill

_________________________

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xo

@thelightclctive

"The Defense Would Like to Call the Next Witness to the Stand..."

Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God?

In Acts chapter 26, Paul defends himself to King Agrippa against accusations made by the Jews. He hadn't done anything wrong, but Christians were a highly persecuted people by Jews and Gentiles alike (sound familiar?). If you are familiar with the story of Paul, then you know about the whole Saul to Paul transformation. If you haven't heard this story, let me give you a brief synopsis:

Paul used to be called Saul-King Saul, actually. He was not a good man - he persecuted saints; throwing them in jail and even sentencing them to death. He pillaged synagogues and even traveled to other cities to put believers to death. His life took a complete 180 however, when Jesus Christ himself appeared to him and told him that He was changing Saul's name to Paul and was sending him out to be a witness for God. Paul did exactly that, eventually becoming one of the most influential witnesses for Christ ever.

So when Paul was called to testify and defend himself, he told Agrippa his story - just like he told everyone else. He told him about his own experiences. He told him the truth. 

The people in the king's court didn't respond very kindly - they called him insane, saying that he was out of his mind. Paul gently replied that he was not crazy, that he was just telling the truth. Turning to the king, he asked Agrippa if he believed the teaching of prophets (basically, "do you believe that Jesus is the Messiah?"), to which Agrippa replied "do you think you can persuade me to become a Christian in such a short time?" (Acts 26:28). 

Paul replied, "short time or long - I pray God that not only you but all who are listening to me today may become what I am, except for these chains" (Acts 26:29). 

Now how amazing is that?

Paul demonstrated perfectly what it looks like to be a true witness for Christ. If you watch T.V. shows like Law and Order or other courtroom dramas, you know that the job of the witness is to go up to the stand, swear on the Bible to tell the truth, and report to the courtroom what they experienced. It is not the witness's job to decide who's guilty and who's innocent, that's the judge's job. All the witness has to do is tell the truth. 

If you call yourself a follower of Christ, then you are called to be a witness for Him. Kind of intimidating right? Well, the way you're thinking about it, it probably sounds like it - but I promise that it's not as hard as you think. 

You don't have to know all of the answers to be a witness. If someone asks you something about the bible and you don't know the answer - 

listen up, I'm about to blow your mind

- that's 100% okay. In fact, it's expected. No one has all of the answers! It's totally fine to tell someone who has challenged your beliefs that you don't know the answer to one of their questions. All you have to say is "that's a good question! Maybe I can look into it and we can meet up and talk about what I find" or "I don't know, all I know is what my experiences are."

As long as your response is full of respect and love, then you did your job as a witness. You shouldn't shove your beliefs down the person's throat (as much as I would like to - but people don't like being choked or smothered by the Gospel, believe it or not). All you have to do is tell people the truth - that Jesus Christ is the son of God, was sent to earth to live a blameless life, died on the cross for our sins, and conquered sin and death by rising from the dead. 

That same spirit that rose Jesus from the dead is alive inside of you -

What are you going to do with that power?

Will you be a witness for Christ?