How to be Beautiful

I hate that you opened this.

I mean maybe it’s because you genuinely enjoy my writing and read everything I post, but odds are you clicked on it because you want to know how to feel beautiful -

which implies that you don’t think you are already.

I know, I know, lots of jumping to conclusions, and it’s only the first paragraph of this post - but am I wrong?

When I was younger, I was obsessed with this book series called “The Clique”. It was centered around these rich, beautiful, teenage girls who always wore designer clothes, lived in sprawling mansions, and were the most popular girls at their school. The main character, Massie Block, was this privileged, gorgeous girl who didn’t take crap from anyone. She was actually quite the bully, and is the antagonist for a majority of the series -

and I wanted to be just like her.

I was a quiet, awkward middle schooler who had braces and wore the same pair of excessively bedazzled Miss Me jeans pretty much every single day. I didn’t have a whole lot of friends, and I was a complete pushover. To me, Massie Block represented this beautiful and strong idealized version of myself that I wanted so badly to reach. I wanted to wear all designer clothing. I wanted to live in a house so gigantic that I had to wear a bell so my parents knew where I was. I wanted to have comebacks so quick that no one would dare mess with me. I wanted big boobs, perfect hair, perfect skin, perfect teeth - just like Massie.

I was obsessed. I would literally sit in my room and google “how to be like Massie Block” and take notes. I read every forum, every Wikihow, every single article that even mentioned her name. I wanted to be just like her.

What my 13 year old mind failed to understand was that, no matter how much I changed my outward appearance and actions, it wouldn’t fix the emotional turmoil that I was experiencing in my mind. I thought that if I was beautiful and rich and had everything I wanted at my fingertips, that it would make me love myself. That it would make me love my body. That I would look in the mirror and absolutely adore my reflection.

And you know what? I was right.

Now, 10 years later, I have all of the things that I wanted. I have clear skin. I have straight teeth. I have designer clothing. I have gorgeous friends. I’m quick with my tongue. I still don’t have boobs, but I do have an athletic frame that can wear just about anything. I am beautiful, and I have 2000+ Instagram followers to prove it. Middle school me was right - all I needed were these things. I no longer struggle with my self-esteem, I fully know my worth.

Haha. Just kidding.

It is very rare that I look in the mirror and like what I see. I think my face is too round, my stomach isn’t flat enough, my legs are too short - and these don’t even begin to scratch the surface of my insecurities. I’m guilty of weighing myself constantly, and punishing my body when the number on the scale goes up. I go through phases where I am fully convinced that all of my friends secretly hate me, and that my boyfriend is going to realize how much of a mess I am and leave me.

So, I scroll.

My obsession with Massie Block may have dissipated, but it is now manifesting in other ways - a Pinterest filled with “body inspo” pins. Bookmarked photos of beautiful women with flowing hair and rockin’ abs on Instagram. Obsessively scrolling through the exercise tag on Tik Tok. Googling new fad diets, and taking pages of notes on them so I can lose the 3 pounds I gained over the holiday weekend. I am constantly overwhelming my brain with comparison, taking note of and obsessing over the things that I wish I was.

I, like so many people, am stuck in a vicious and unhealthy cycle - a cycle perpetuated by the belief that I am not enough. The belief that if I was just a little bit better, I would be happy -

and my friends, let me tell you: this concept leads to nowhere but the path of disappointment and shame.

You see, there is always going to be someone better. There is always going to be someone prettier, someone funnier, someone smarter - someone who has the things you don’t. And then suddenly, without you even noticing, that “little” bit of change you were trying to make has turned into an unhealthy obsession fueled by an unreachable standard.

Now, what I don’t want you to hear me saying is that you should never try to improve yourself, because that is completely untrue. There is always room for growth and improvement, and to quote my favorite author Rachel Hollis, “you should always try to be better than the person you were yesterday - even if it’s only by an inch.”

I am all for self-improvement, but the way our world tells us to go about it is, in my opinion, completely wrong. I am a firm believer that, even on your worst day, you are worthy of love and compassion- even if you are not where you want to be yet.

So, with that in mind, how can we begin to love ourselves where we are? As we are?

First and foremost, we must begin to understand and accept the fact that God isn’t finished with us yet. Philippians 1:6 says this:

“Be confident in this: that He who began a good work in you will carry it onto completion until the day of Christ’s return.”

God isn’t just going to leave you where you are. In fact, He is doing little things to improve you every day, oftentimes without you even noticing. You are being molded and improved upon by your Maker every single day; He will never abandon or forsake you.

Not only that, but God’s standard of beauty is different than the world’s. You might look in the mirror and think “wow, I could lose a few pounds”, but God looks at that same reflection and smiles in adoration. He sees someone made in His image. He sees you as a work of art, made and completely adored by Him. He cherishes you. You are His masterpiece - even with that zit on the end of your nose that makes you look like Rudolph.

The way you were made is not by accident. You will never look like those people online because you’re not them. You’re you - and that is a good thing.

Once you learn to fully accept that you - yes, you reading this - is fully worthy of love exactly where you are and how you are, those mental blocks you constructed begin to crumble, and what you are left with is the kind of peace that can only be provided by being completely satisfied in your Creator.

You want a hard pill to swallow? Well, I’ll give you one:

satisfaction with yourself does not come from within, it comes from above.

Learning to love yourself is not about you - it’s about loving the one who made you. It doesn’t come from the physical and behavioral changes that you force into your routine, it comes from letting go of every single standard the world is throwing your way, and gripping firmly onto the Father.

My high school youth group pastor gave a lesson on this topic that I will never forget - he said “the more you cling to Him, the more you become like Him, and the more you become like Him, the more you become yourself.”

You want to be beautiful?

You want to be loved?

You want to be worthy?

Newsflash: you already are.

You are all of these things and more. You don’t need to edit yourself to be worthy. Even in your worst moments, even when you don’t feel like it, even when everything around you is screaming that you’re not enough, you have the freedom to sink deep into the truth that you are fearfully and wonderfully made. God isn’t done with you yet. You are always getting better, and you are exactly where you are supposed to be.

You are gorgeous. You are capable. You are enough. You are intimately known by the God of the universe, and He delights in every piece of you.

When are you going to start acting like it?

_________________________

Meditating can be one of the best ways to connect with God, but if you have a busy brain (like me), all of that quiet can be overwhelming - so here are some songs to listen to while you listen for His quiet voice.

In over My Head - Bethel Music

King of Kings (Live) - Hillsong Worship

Faithful - Sarah Reeves

Your Glory / Nothing But The Blood (Live) - All Sons & Daughters

The Hammer & the Dollar Bill

I don’t know about you guys, but I am absolutely terrible at resting.

Maybe it’s the way that we were raised. Maybe it’s social media. Maybe it stems from our generation’s need to be admired. Whatever it is, I think we can all agree on one thing - it’s not healthy.

I knew this year was going to be busy. I was working three jobs, running social media and designing apparel for the cheer squad I’m a part of, and juggling studying and homework for all of my classes. On top of all of that, I was dealing with some emotional baggage that had recently come into my life. 

Needless to say, I became overwhelmed very quickly. One night, I decided to write down everything that needed to be done in the upcoming month - and I began to bawl.

We’re not talking cute, Disney princess tears. I’m talking laying on my floor, being unable to catch my breath, absolutely panic-sobbing. Ya know, the kind that wakes up your neighbors. I hadn’t had a single night off in weeks, and I wasn’t about to get one any time soon. I was absolutely exhausted.

Through my puffy eyes I began to journal and pray about what to do. I clearly couldn’t continue on like this, I was a mess. I asked God what to do - should I quit one of my jobs? Stop cheering? Just drop out of school altogether?

The whole time I was writing, one annoying thought kept echoing in my head:

What if I miss out on something?

I’ve always had this fear that I’m going to make a mistake and mess up my entire life. I was taking every opportunity that was thrown my way in fear of “missing the mark.” What if I didn’t take a job, but that job ended up being the one I needed? What if I throw myself off track and completely ruin my life because I threw away an opportunity? Everyone talks about how God opens doors - but what if He opens one and I don’t walk through it?

The next day, I spoke to my therapist about this. She asked me one question:

“Bailey, you are a human what?”

“...being?” I replied, confused.

“Exactly. You are a human being, not a human doing.”

That clicked for me. As simple as it was, that was all I needed to hear. I was spending way too much time focused on completing tasks, and wasn’t taking any time to just be - and it wasn’t fair to my body. 

Rest is something that has been necessary from the beginning of time. It’s written in Genesis that on the seventh day of creation, God rested. 

Did you get that? GOD rested.

He didn’t rest because He was tired, but to demonstrate for us what He knew we were going to need. Rest reminds us how small we are compared to God, and that He cares about us so much that He never takes his eyes off of us. We can lay down and sleep at night knowing that we are taken care of, because our God never grows tired.

Humans need to rest - it’s literally part of our design.

Somewhere along the line though, we got that messed up. Somewhere along the line we started associating our worth with what we accomplish - the more tasks the complete, the more admiration we get, and that proves that we’re worthy.

Have you ever heard the hammer/dollar metaphor?

Let’s say you have a hammer, and it’s a really great hammer. It helps you with projects around the house, and you totally love it.

One day however, you notice that it’s starting to get a little rusty, so you decide to throw that hammer out and buy a new one. You like this one too, but when you’re working on a project, the handle breaks. So, you throw it out and get another new one.

Let’s also say that you have a dollar bill. You put it in your pocket, forget about it, and it goes through the wash. When you find it again, it’s all wrinkled and soggy. You shrug and put it in your wallet anyway.

The hammer lost value over time. If it got damaged or became outdated, you could replace it.

The dollar bill however, did not. No matter how many times you crumple that thing or put it through the wash, its value can’t depreciate.

Do you see where I’m going with this?

When God looks at you, He doesn’t see a hammer. Your value to God does not depend on your functionality, your condition, or your accomplishments. 

God looks at you like the dollar bill. There is absolutely nothing you can do that could make you lose worth in His sight. Because of the cross, He doesn’t see how dirty or crumpled up you are - He sees his perfect & precious son. He doesn’t say “come to me, all who are perfect and have accomplished much.” He says “come to me, all who are worn out and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.”

Rest is a necessity, not an option. It’s okay to take a break from life in order to recharge. Your worth is not dependent on what you check off on your to-do list, and you’re not going to mess up God’s plan for you. He’s too big and powerful to allow that. 

Slow down and take care of yourself, you can’t miss what God has predestined to be yours.

_________________________

Songs to listen to while you take a break:

Gravity - Jenn Johnson & Brian Johnson

In Over My Head - Bethel Music

_________________________

Hot Mess

My dating life is a complete mess.

It's been a mess for awhile - since second semester my junior year of high school, to be exact.

Going into my freshman year of college, I was in an extremely unhealthy relationship with a boy that I had started dating in high school. He was sweet and funny, and we shared a lot of common interests. When that dissolved however, our relationship was filled with unhappiness, lies, incessant fighting, and impurity. 

Yet I still thought that I wanted to marry him.

Fast forward a couple months and we've broken up, and I immediately start talking to another boy. He was mysterious and artistic, and he made me mixtapes filled with all kinds of incredible music. When all of that dissolved however, our relationship was filled with unhappiness, lies, incessant fighting, and impurity.

Yet I still thought I wanted to marry him.

Fast forward a few more months and we've broken up, and I immediately start talking to another boy. He was a Christian and went to church with me, prayed with me, took me on dates, and was respectful. When all of that dissolved however, our relationship was filled with unhappiness, lies, incessant fighting, and impurity.

Yet I still thought I wanted to marry him.

Are you seeing the pattern yet?

All of my romantic relationships have followed the same timeline. For the first few months, it's amazing. It's exciting getting to know someone and go on dates and ride that "honeymoon high." I do everything I can to make the guy happy, even if it means compromising my morals to do so. Eventually, when the excitement fades, communication becomes sparse and I'm filled with anxiety. Not wanting to put myself through a breakup, this is about the time that I start compromising my morals to try to get them to stay. It never works, the fighting continues and escalates, and it results in a breakup. Every. Single. Time.

You would think that after years of repetition, I would figure out what I was doing wrong and fix it. It wasn't until this summer that I finally found the key.

You see, I really desire marriage - I spend way too much time thinking about the ring, the dress, the venue... spending eternity with the person I love is my dream. I want it so badly that it clouds my judgment in relationships and makes me want to hold onto the wrong boys.

After my last boyfriend and I broke up, I wrote a letter to God. In the letter, I wrote:

"I give my heart away to any person who asks for it. I'm tired, Father. I'm tired of trying to find satisfaction in boys when you're the only one who can satisfy. Tonight, I only have one request - that you take my heart in its entirety and hold onto it until the right boy comes. Until then, keep it safe and protected, guard it, and fill it in the way that only You can."

And let me tell you -

God did some wild things.

Instead of feeling broken and devastated the next morning (as you usually do after a breakup), I felt peaceful. Don't get me wrong, a lot of pain was still there - but amidst all of the pain I felt this gentle, incredible warmth. It was like I was being wrapped in a gigantic hug, and it stayed with me throughout the day.

Day by day, I got stronger. More independent.

I started reading my Bible and journaling more. Instead of writing normal prayers, it was kind of like having a pen pal - I told Him how my day went and was honest about my feelings. I shared everything ranging from my most anxious of thoughts to my loftiest dream.

I started to take better care of myself. Not because I wanted to impress anyone, but because I wanted to take better care of the body God created for me. I got on a regular exercise regimen and cut out sugar, and I started getting more sleep a night.

And then something amazing happened.

I woke up one day and felt total satisfaction. I can't even describe it, I feel like a totally new person. Every person that I see gets a smile, and I have this overwhelming urge to tell everyone how amazing and loved they are. I look in the mirror and I adore my reflection. I go to church and I worship with both hands up without a care in the world. I've stopped blaming myself for everything, and I feel at peace with mistakes that I had made in the past. I have fallen completely in love with myself -

and it's all because I have completely fallen in love with Jesus.

Psalm 139:13 says:

"You formed my inward parts; You knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are Your works; my soul knows it very well."

God made your heart, you can trust Him to take care of it. I was a hot mess for so long, but when I gave Jesus my whole heart, He filled me to the brim with love. He satisfied my every want. This is truly the best thing that I have ever done for myself; I have never felt so secure. I no longer seek comfort from boys, and in fact, I don't even feel like I need a boyfriend - I've got other things to do!

What I realized is that I spent so much time pining after a marriage and the future that I wasn't enjoying what was right in front of me. I was living in a "what if" world, and it kept me from feeling satisfied. God was blessing me with gift after gift, and I was so focused on my future that I didn't even notice.

I don't want to miss any more time - these are years of my life that I can never get back. I want to live them as fully as possible, so someday when I actually am married I can look back and feel content knowing that I took nothing for granted. That "someday" could be 5 years from now, or it could be 15 -

why would I waste that precious time worrying about my future when it's already taken care of?

Learn to trust in His perfect timing.

Learn to live in the present, it truly is a gift.

Learn to love Jesus. It'll help you love yourself more. It'll help you love others more.

_________________________

Songs to listen to while you learn to love yourself (and be completely satisfied in Jesus!):

Something About You - Sarah Reeves

Shadow Step - Hillsong United

Found in You - Vertical Worship

You Make Me Brave - Amanda Cook, Bethel Music

Let Them See You - JJ Weeks Band

_________________________

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xo

@thelightclctive

New Year, New You

Happy new year, beautiful friends!

It's the beginning of January, A.K.A. "New Year, New Me" season. I've seen hundreds of posts on social media about resolutions, the top ones being:

1. Eating clean

2. Getting in shape/losing weight

3. Living life to the fullest

These are all wonderful things! You should want to improve yourself, and I will be praying that you stick to your resolutions! 

What I want to do however, is push you one step further. 

All of the things listed above have one thing in common: they are all surface level. If you're looking to these things to make you happier, feel more fulfilled, or love yourself more, there's a way easier way to achieve your goal...and it starts within.

I encourage you to take out the 2018 resolutions list that you made and add one more little thing to it -

seek Jesus daily.

It's something that we're called to do. 1 Chronicles 16:11 says:

"Seek the Lord and His strength; seek His face continually."

That statement in itself seems so simple, but what does it really mean?

It's not the same for everyone. Every single person has a different way that they feel connected to Jesus. For some, it's listening to music. Some read their bible. I personally hear God the clearest and feel the closest to Him when I journal. Try out a couple things, see what works for you. It doesn't matter how you do it, He just loves hearing from you!

Building and maintaining a relationship with God is the highest form of self improvement. It is 100% the best thing you can do for yourself. The closer you get to Him, the more comfortable you'll feel in your own skin. You'll feel more successful and satisfied. You'll feel yourself become more gentle and loving, more like Jesus. He won't just open doors for you, He'll knock down walls for you.

 Proverbs 16:3 says "commit to the Lord whatever you do, and He will establish your plans."

Let 2018 be the year that you let Jesus take over your life.

He can do amazing things for you and through you when you let Him sit in the driver's seat.

___________

Songs to hype you up this new year:

Fix My Eyes - for KING & COUNTRY

Follow You - Ben Rector

In His Image

If you follow me on twitter, then you know that a few days ago I tweeted out that I wanted suggestions for what to post about next. I received so many wonderful ideas (they're all stored away in my notebook), but the most common topic of interest by far was self love.

I've spent a lot of time in prayer lately specifically asking God to make my heart hurt for what makes His heart hurt, and having so many of you beautiful young ladies telling me you need to learn how to love yourselves nearly broke my heart in two. 

You see, we live in a world that has laid out in black and white ink what it means to be "beautiful." The world says that in order to be "beautiful" you have to have clear skin and straight teeth and shiny hair. The world says that in order to be "beautiful" you have to have a lot of money and a successful career. The world says that in order to be "beautiful" you have to be as skinny as a Victoria's Secret model - and if you don't fit the bill, the world knows how to make you feel so absolutely terrible about yourself that you feel compelled to change and conform.

But there are a few very important things I want you to keep in mind.

When the Bible says that you are made in the image of God, it's not talking about the human race as a whole. The "you" it's referring to is you specifically. 

Yes, you.

The one reading this. 

You are made in the image of God -

and my goodness He is beautiful.

There are so many verses that talk about the beauty of Christ -

Psalm 27:4 - “One thing I have asked of the Lord: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to inquire in his temple.”

Isaiah 28:5 - "Then at last the LORD of Heaven's Armies will himself be Israel's glorious and beautiful crown. He will be the pride and joy of the remnant of his people."

Isaiah 33:17 - "Your eyes will see the King in His beauty and view a land that stretches afar."

- and those are just a few. People in both the Old and New Testaments wrote about the unmatchable beauty of God. He is gorgeous beyond measure, and He thought you were good enough to make in His very own image. Not only that, but He hand selected each of your traits.

Think about the thing that you dislike most about yourself, whether it be physically or personality wise. Would you hate this thing so much if you thought about it as a gift specially designed for you?

Because that's exactly what it is.

God put thought into every aspect of you. He took time knitting you together in the womb. He picked the color of your eyes and thickness of your hair. He chose how deep your voice is and the sound of your laugh. He picked the size of your feet and drew the lines of your fingerprints. He put dreams in your head and desires in your heart. His work can be seen in the tiniest details of you. 

God does not see you the way you see you. He looks at you and sees nothing but beauty - and if the Author of Life looks at you like that, you have 100% permission to look at yourself in that same way...and you absolutely should. 

You are a beautiful creation made in His image.

He made you exactly how you are supposed to be.

 He doesn't make mistakes.

You are beautiful by His standards -

and His opinion is the only one that matters. 

___________

P.S. - if you like music, here's a couple awesome songs that I think compliment this message!

Details - Sarah Reeves

Beloved - Jordan Feliz