Having Faith Amidst Disappointment

I just graduated college in the middle of a global pandemic.

If you had asked me four years ago where I thought I was going to end up after graduation, never in a million years would I have said “unemployed and moving back in with my parents”. Never. If you had told freshman year Bailey that’s where she was headed, she would have dropped out.

And yet, that’s exactly where I am. I have the degree I worked so hard for, and every single job I have applied for has told me no. I won’t be able to afford to live on my own, so it seems that moving back in with my parents is the only option. I’ve lived on my own for four years, and now all of my furniture is going into a storage unit to collect cobwebs. My residence will be my childhood bedroom. My income will be next to nonexistent. I feel completely and utterly out of control - so here I am, degree in hand, completely lost and unsure about what’s next.

On top of all of that, I have now more than ever fallen into the social media comparison trap. I feel like there has been an enormous push on social media to really “take advantage of quarantine” - in other words, if you’re not exercising daily, eating healthy, or starting a business right now, then you’re wasting your time. I’ve been struggling on and off with this weird sense of guilt about not feeling motivated to do all of these things.

On the flip side of that guilty feeling is the reality that the current state of the world is…well, chaotic. I should be giving myself grace and being gentle with myself as I learn how to navigate this new situation, but I just can’t shake this overwhelming sense of guilt, dismay, and absolute defeat.

Disappointment doesn’t begin to describe how I feel about my current situation.

And it breaks my heart to know that so many of you are in the same boat.

I think we can all agree that the current state of the world sucks. It sucks. And there’s absolutely nothing we can do about it. We are completely helpless and out of control.

So how do we move forward? How do we keep our faith when the disappointments just keep coming?

Well, the first thing we have to acknowledge is probably the most obvious: we were never in control in the first place.

We as humans constantly make the mistake of thinking that we are in control of our lives and what happens in them, and while we do make our own decisions and exercise our free will daily, it is crucial that we understand how involved God is. God doesn’t just sit and observe from above, He is an active participant in our lives. He controls what time you wake up and how many red lights you get stopped at on your way to work. He controls whether or not they’re out of toilet paper at the supermarket. He controls whether or not we have breath in our lungs and whether or not our hearts continue to beat. God is in the details of your life - even the ones that seem small and insignificant.

He is in control of everything.

The second truth that must be acknowledged is that God is good.

I know you read that, but read it again.

God does everything for the good of His holy kingdom. He is constantly preparing a place for us and moving the parts and pieces necessary to get us to the point of Christ’s return.

Here’s the thing though -

Yes, everything He does is for His kingdom, but we’re all heirs…so that kingdom He’s building? Yeah, that’s for you. You get to take part in that. You get to live with your Creator in paradise for eternity. Everything God does is for the good of the Kingdom, but you’re a part of that - meaning that He is so good that what is in the best interest of the kingdom is in your best interest as well.

I cannot stress this enough: God is good. He did not forget about you. Bad stuff is not happening to harm you, but to form you - form you into someone who is more like His perfect Son. Form you into the person you were created to be in the first place.

So if we take these two truths at face value, we can draw one conclusion: that this is all happening for a reason.

Now you’re probably thinking, “but Baileyyyy…that doesn’t make it any easier!”

Girl. I know.

I don’t think there’s anything that I could say to make this situation better for you, no matter how badly I want to. I struggle with my current reality daily. It’s not going to be easy for awhile, but you know what? We don’t need ease. You and me, we don’t need perfect. We don’t need simple.

We need to stand firm in our faith, draw near to the Father, and cling to the hope that we have in Him - and we do have hope in Him!

You’re going to be alright. You’re going to be able to look back at this absolute mess and be grateful about the way that it happened. At the end of it all, you’re going to be able to dust yourself off, smile, and say “wow, if I could make it through that, then I am beyond ready for whatever’s ahead of me.”

God is in the details of your life, and He will never abandon you. Every single thing-good and bad-is happening for your benefit. Find your peace in that.

And hey - you’re gonna be okay.

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This is a really weird time, and I know for a fact that I am not the only one struggling with the current state of my life. If you need prayer, please reach out to me! I want to create a community where praying for each other is the usual thing, so if you have any prayer, big or small, click here.

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Here’s some scripture to encourage you as you learn to navigate this season. Write these down, hang them on your mirror, and read them out loud to declare them over your life every time you see them!

Jeremiah 29:11 - “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord. “Plans that are good for you and not to harm you; plans to give you hope and a future.”

Proverbs 3:5-6 - Trust in the Lord with all your heart, do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.

1 Peter 1:3-4 - Because God raised Jesus Christ from the dead, we now live with great expectation. We have a priceless inheritance - an inheritance that is kept in heaven for you, pure and undefiled, beyond the reach of change and decay.

Romans 12:12 - Rejoice and be confident in hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying.

and here’s some songs:

Already There - Casting Crowns

Breakthrough (Live) - Red Rocks Worship

Soul’s Anthem - Tori Kelly

Sweet Serendipity - Lee DeWyze

To the One (Live) - UPPERROOM

Come to Me (Spontaneous) - Bethel Music, Jenn & Brian Johnson

Gravity - Jenn & Brian Johnson

Movers, Shakers, and Decision Makers

When it comes to making decisions, there are a few different types of people:

1. The Decision Makers - as made obvious by the name, these are the people who have no problem making decisions. Aside from the normal amount of discomfort that accompanies decision making, they experience very little additional anxiety.

2. The Opportunity Costers* - opportunity cost is an economic term that refers to the principle that you must give something up in order to gain something else. These are the people who get anxiety from decisions because of the fear that they'll miss out on whatever they don't choose. They're scared that if they pick the wrong thing, the entire trajectory of their life will be thrown off.

*Is this a word? No. But I just made it one. Boom.

3. The Survey Takers - this group is prone to being overly concerned with the opinions of others. When it comes to making decisions (especially big ones), they don't move forward without first getting the opinions of others.

I fall somewhere in between the Opportunity Costers and the Survey Takers. When I have to make a decision, I panic (like really panic). I worry that if I make the wrong decision, I'll miss out on what God has in store for me. On top of that, I worry about disappointing the people around me if I do the wrong thing. People say "you made your bed, now lie in it," and it absolutely terrifies me.

What if I make the bed the wrong way?

This fear often prevents me from making decisions altogether, which is neither healthy nor productive. My inability to make decisions has really been taking a toll on me lately, but the other day God placed something on my heart and everything suddenly made sense.

What did He place on my heart, you ask?

Mrs. Piggle Wiggle.

When I was little, I read a book series about a woman named Mrs. Piggle Wiggle, who had the cure for every "ailment" a child could have. From not bathing to eating too slowly, Mrs. Piggle Wiggle knew exactly what to do. One of my favorite books of the series was the one where she helps a girl learn how to make her bed. The girl had no idea how to do it the right way, which left her parents displeased. To fix the problem, Mrs. Piggle Wiggle dressed like a witch and teased the girl  (in a nice way, don't worry) until she learned to make her bed with absolutely no wrinkles.

At first I was confused as to why this popped into my head  (other than to bring about fond childhood memories), when suddenly, it clicked. 

No matter what you do, how badly you mess up, no matter how many times, there's absolutely nothing you can do that will ruin God's plan for your life if you're following Him.

Don't get me wrong - you can certainly get off track. However, if you're genuinely trying to follow God's plan for your life and you're just worried about how to get where He needs you to be  (like me!), I've got some good news for you: God already knows all of the decisions you're going to make, good and bad. You can't do anything to surprise God - which is such a relief.

If God already knows all the decisions you're going to make, don't you think that He's already worked out a plan to get you to where you need to be?

Shortly after Mrs. Piggle Wiggle, another thing popped into my head - one of my favorite verses, Proverbs 3:6:

"In all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight."

Click!

Okay, I hear you Jesus.

The cool thing about God is that He is overflowing with love. He doesn't sit up in heaven and move us around like puppets on strings, nor does He just sit back and let us ruin our lives without interjecting. Instead, He is like Mrs. Piggle Wiggle - if He sees you attempting to make the bed, He is going to honor you for trying -

and if you mess it up, He'll help you remake the bed.

What I've realized is that God honors motion. If your heart is in the right place when you're making a decision, it truly doesn't matter what you choose - God already has it all worked out. He will direct you in the way you need to go. There is absolutely nothing you can do that will ruin His grand plan.

So, breathe.

You don't have to worry about making the "wrong" decision as long as you're putting in the effort to move yourself forward. You can't just stay in neutral and not make any decisions because they're "hard" - it's difficult for God to purpose an object that's not in motion. Think of the Israelites in Exodus for example - God brought them to the promise land, but they were too scared to step into it. They took one look at all of the giants in the land and decided not to trust that God had already worked everything out in their favor.

Don't be like the Israelites.

Stop worrying about all of the "what if's" and hold onto the fact that Jesus has already worked out every single little detail of every situation you'll be in.

This doesn't go to say that if you find yourself faced with a big decision you should just choose a random one and go with it. What I'm saying is that if you're genuinely trying to follow the path that God wants for you, and you've prayed about it but haven't got an answer, then maybe you need to consider the idea that His silence is your answer.

Maybe He's turning you into a decision maker.

Stop procrastinating because you're scared of choosing the wrong thing.

God already has this all worked out.

So, take a deep breath and take a leap of faith.

Even if He's silent, He'll be with you every step of the way -

and He's waiting to catch you on the other side.

Oh, and one more thing -

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" (Jeremiah 29:11).

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Songs to empower you on your decision-making journey:

Oceans (I know - a classic!) - Hillsong United

Fearless - Jasmine Murray

Never Gone - Colton Dixon

You Make Me Brave (Live) - Amanda Cook, Bethel Music

Hurricane - Natalie Grant

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xo

@thelightclctive

Wrecking Ball

We all have these ideas in our head of what our life is going to be.

We all picture ourselves growing up and going to our dream college, getting our dream job, marrying our dream spouse, and raising our dream family. 

But then you apply for that college and you don't get in. You start what you thought was going to be the perfect major for you, and you hate it. All of your friends are in happy relationships and getting engaged, while you can't even work up the courage to talk to that cute boy in your math class. At this point, you feel like you'd be better off just moving far, far away and raising 14 cats.

If this is you, sit back and take a breath.

I feel you.

You see, I had my whole life mapped out. I had wanted to work in forensics ever since I was old enough to watch "48 Hours Mystery." I was going to go to college and study biomed for four years, go to medical school, and become a forensic pathologist. When I started classes however, I sucked at it. I had a boyfriend at the time that I thought was my end game, but beneath the surface things were far from perfect and I was incredibly unhappy. People who I thought would be my friends forever began to exit my life. I can't express to you how frustrated I was when my carefully thought out plan began to crumble. I felt completely hopeless, so I did what I do best -

I cried. REALLY cried. For like...2 hours.

In my snot covered and tear stained state, I began to make a list of things that I thought I was good at. It looked like this:

1. Crying about things that don't need to be cried about

2. Writing

I decided that I couldn't major in being a drama queen, so I looked at majors that involved a lot of writing. While I was scrolling through, I felt that little tug at my heart as I passed over communications. I prayed about it, and I felt confident that was where Jesus wanted me to be, so I switched majors and say goodbye to my dream of studying dead bodies forever.

I dated that boy for a couple more months before God really made it clear that His plan for me did not include him. It was hard, but I ended things. I cried a lot (again), but Jesus provided me with amazing strength and peace through it all. A few short months later, I met an amazing man of God who loves me so well.

Those friends who left cleared the way for me to meet a new group of friends. I am now surrounded by an incredible support system of girls who genuinely love me and love Jesus.

God completely wrecked my plan for my life, and for awhile I was scared it was never going to get put back together. Over time however, God has shown me that He has my best interest at heart. Even though change hurts sometimes, I'm happier because of it. My greatest gifts came from letting go of my own plan for my life and surrendering to what God has planned. Had He not changed the trajectory of my life, I wouldn't have started this blog!

A bible verse that has really helped reassure me during this time of change is Proverbs 3:6:

"In all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight."

I still don't really know what I'm doing, but I'm confident that anything Jesus has planned for me is infinitely better than anything I could plan for myself. God knows how many hairs are on your head. If He pays that much attention to something so small, don't you think it's safe to say that he has the plan for your life all worked out?

I promise you have absolutely nothing to worry about.

I know your life might feel like a broken mess right now, but all of those broken pieces are working together in your favor to create something beautiful. 

Be patient. Trust His timing. It will all come together.

Until then, pray to Him and praise Him - 

He's making your path straight.

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Songs to listen to while you wait:

Already There - Casting crowns (a personal favorite of mine, this is my go to comfort song)

Trust In You - Lauren Daigle

Have It All - Brian Johnson, Bethel Music

Open Hands - Laura Story, Mac Powell

New Year, New You

Happy new year, beautiful friends!

It's the beginning of January, A.K.A. "New Year, New Me" season. I've seen hundreds of posts on social media about resolutions, the top ones being:

1. Eating clean

2. Getting in shape/losing weight

3. Living life to the fullest

These are all wonderful things! You should want to improve yourself, and I will be praying that you stick to your resolutions! 

What I want to do however, is push you one step further. 

All of the things listed above have one thing in common: they are all surface level. If you're looking to these things to make you happier, feel more fulfilled, or love yourself more, there's a way easier way to achieve your goal...and it starts within.

I encourage you to take out the 2018 resolutions list that you made and add one more little thing to it -

seek Jesus daily.

It's something that we're called to do. 1 Chronicles 16:11 says:

"Seek the Lord and His strength; seek His face continually."

That statement in itself seems so simple, but what does it really mean?

It's not the same for everyone. Every single person has a different way that they feel connected to Jesus. For some, it's listening to music. Some read their bible. I personally hear God the clearest and feel the closest to Him when I journal. Try out a couple things, see what works for you. It doesn't matter how you do it, He just loves hearing from you!

Building and maintaining a relationship with God is the highest form of self improvement. It is 100% the best thing you can do for yourself. The closer you get to Him, the more comfortable you'll feel in your own skin. You'll feel more successful and satisfied. You'll feel yourself become more gentle and loving, more like Jesus. He won't just open doors for you, He'll knock down walls for you.

 Proverbs 16:3 says "commit to the Lord whatever you do, and He will establish your plans."

Let 2018 be the year that you let Jesus take over your life.

He can do amazing things for you and through you when you let Him sit in the driver's seat.

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Songs to hype you up this new year:

Fix My Eyes - for KING & COUNTRY

Follow You - Ben Rector