Having Faith Amidst Disappointment

I just graduated college in the middle of a global pandemic.

If you had asked me four years ago where I thought I was going to end up after graduation, never in a million years would I have said “unemployed and moving back in with my parents”. Never. If you had told freshman year Bailey that’s where she was headed, she would have dropped out.

And yet, that’s exactly where I am. I have the degree I worked so hard for, and every single job I have applied for has told me no. I won’t be able to afford to live on my own, so it seems that moving back in with my parents is the only option. I’ve lived on my own for four years, and now all of my furniture is going into a storage unit to collect cobwebs. My residence will be my childhood bedroom. My income will be next to nonexistent. I feel completely and utterly out of control - so here I am, degree in hand, completely lost and unsure about what’s next.

On top of all of that, I have now more than ever fallen into the social media comparison trap. I feel like there has been an enormous push on social media to really “take advantage of quarantine” - in other words, if you’re not exercising daily, eating healthy, or starting a business right now, then you’re wasting your time. I’ve been struggling on and off with this weird sense of guilt about not feeling motivated to do all of these things.

On the flip side of that guilty feeling is the reality that the current state of the world is…well, chaotic. I should be giving myself grace and being gentle with myself as I learn how to navigate this new situation, but I just can’t shake this overwhelming sense of guilt, dismay, and absolute defeat.

Disappointment doesn’t begin to describe how I feel about my current situation.

And it breaks my heart to know that so many of you are in the same boat.

I think we can all agree that the current state of the world sucks. It sucks. And there’s absolutely nothing we can do about it. We are completely helpless and out of control.

So how do we move forward? How do we keep our faith when the disappointments just keep coming?

Well, the first thing we have to acknowledge is probably the most obvious: we were never in control in the first place.

We as humans constantly make the mistake of thinking that we are in control of our lives and what happens in them, and while we do make our own decisions and exercise our free will daily, it is crucial that we understand how involved God is. God doesn’t just sit and observe from above, He is an active participant in our lives. He controls what time you wake up and how many red lights you get stopped at on your way to work. He controls whether or not they’re out of toilet paper at the supermarket. He controls whether or not we have breath in our lungs and whether or not our hearts continue to beat. God is in the details of your life - even the ones that seem small and insignificant.

He is in control of everything.

The second truth that must be acknowledged is that God is good.

I know you read that, but read it again.

God does everything for the good of His holy kingdom. He is constantly preparing a place for us and moving the parts and pieces necessary to get us to the point of Christ’s return.

Here’s the thing though -

Yes, everything He does is for His kingdom, but we’re all heirs…so that kingdom He’s building? Yeah, that’s for you. You get to take part in that. You get to live with your Creator in paradise for eternity. Everything God does is for the good of the Kingdom, but you’re a part of that - meaning that He is so good that what is in the best interest of the kingdom is in your best interest as well.

I cannot stress this enough: God is good. He did not forget about you. Bad stuff is not happening to harm you, but to form you - form you into someone who is more like His perfect Son. Form you into the person you were created to be in the first place.

So if we take these two truths at face value, we can draw one conclusion: that this is all happening for a reason.

Now you’re probably thinking, “but Baileyyyy…that doesn’t make it any easier!”

Girl. I know.

I don’t think there’s anything that I could say to make this situation better for you, no matter how badly I want to. I struggle with my current reality daily. It’s not going to be easy for awhile, but you know what? We don’t need ease. You and me, we don’t need perfect. We don’t need simple.

We need to stand firm in our faith, draw near to the Father, and cling to the hope that we have in Him - and we do have hope in Him!

You’re going to be alright. You’re going to be able to look back at this absolute mess and be grateful about the way that it happened. At the end of it all, you’re going to be able to dust yourself off, smile, and say “wow, if I could make it through that, then I am beyond ready for whatever’s ahead of me.”

God is in the details of your life, and He will never abandon you. Every single thing-good and bad-is happening for your benefit. Find your peace in that.

And hey - you’re gonna be okay.

_________________________

This is a really weird time, and I know for a fact that I am not the only one struggling with the current state of my life. If you need prayer, please reach out to me! I want to create a community where praying for each other is the usual thing, so if you have any prayer, big or small, click here.

_________________________

Here’s some scripture to encourage you as you learn to navigate this season. Write these down, hang them on your mirror, and read them out loud to declare them over your life every time you see them!

Jeremiah 29:11 - “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord. “Plans that are good for you and not to harm you; plans to give you hope and a future.”

Proverbs 3:5-6 - Trust in the Lord with all your heart, do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.

1 Peter 1:3-4 - Because God raised Jesus Christ from the dead, we now live with great expectation. We have a priceless inheritance - an inheritance that is kept in heaven for you, pure and undefiled, beyond the reach of change and decay.

Romans 12:12 - Rejoice and be confident in hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying.

and here’s some songs:

Already There - Casting Crowns

Breakthrough (Live) - Red Rocks Worship

Soul’s Anthem - Tori Kelly

Sweet Serendipity - Lee DeWyze

To the One (Live) - UPPERROOM

Come to Me (Spontaneous) - Bethel Music, Jenn & Brian Johnson

Gravity - Jenn & Brian Johnson

There's No "I" in Team, but There is in Anxiety

This week, I want to talk about something that hits close to home. Something that I have fallen victim to almost my entire life. Something that I know a lot of you struggle with daily  -

it's our good ol' friend anxiety. 

You know what I'm talking about - the pit in your stomach, waking up in the middle of the night sweating with you heart pounding out of your chest. I don't know a single person in my life who doesn't struggle with it. It seems to be a world wide epidemic, contaminating the minds of over 40 million Americans. So many people struggle with it, which begs the question:

why are we all so dang anxious?

I've always looked at anxiety as if it was a part of me; something that had to with a misfiring in my brain and therefore out of my control. I've spent countless nights laying awake in bed absolutely begging God to take away my anxious thoughts, but to no avail. I told myself that this was a burden that I was going to have to learn to live with.

What I didn't realize was that I was unintentionally imprisoning myself in my own mind.

When the devil wants to attack you, he's going to first set up camp in your mind. He's going to whisper nasty thoughts in your ear all night, making you worry and drift from bad thought to bad thought. His goal is to fill your head with so much junk that you couldn't possibly hear God's whisper.

And over 40 million of us fall for it. Every. Single. Day. 

What I never thought to consider however, is that I could actually be the root cause of my anxiety. I was choosing to fall victim to my anxiety because it was "out of my control," when in reality my lifestyle was what was causing me to have sleepless nights.

You see, we live in a world that tells us that the decisions we make are important. Our society tells us that we are in control of our destiny, and therefore we have to be very careful and take our time when making decisions. We are told daily "the choices that you make are going to impact you for the rest of your life, so choose wisely!"

If you're like me, that's where a lot of your anxiety comes from.

Fear of making the "wrong" decision has turned me into a major people pleaser. I am ashamed to say that I base almost all of my decisions on what will look good to others. I avoid any type of conflict because I live in a constant fear that I'll say or do the wrong thing and upset the people around me. For you, maybe it's the same thing. Maybe it's deciding where you're going to go for college. Maybe it's whether or not you should break up with your boyfriend. Maybe it's what you should have for dinner.

Maybe you spend so much time weighing the pros and cons of a situation that you end up just pushing it off, and you mask that procrastination by saying "I'm praying about it, but I haven't gotten a clear answer." 

By doing this, we give ourselves opportunities for anxiety and we call them "options."

But I'm going to let you in on a little secret - 

it doesn't matter.

You're staying awake all night and making yourself sick over something that God has already worked out. By allowing those anxious thoughts to ruminate in your brain, you're implying that you are in control of your life, when in reality God is the one who oversees it all. He knows you inside and out. He knows every decision you're going to make, and whether it's the right one or the wrong one He has already designed a plan for your life and you cannot possibly get in His way. If your heart is in the right place, then it doesn't matter what decision you make. People say "you made your bed, now lie in it" and I hate it. 

If you made the bed the wrong way, apologize and remake the dang bed. 

You're allowed to mess up. You're allowed to pick the wrong decision because God already has it all worked out. 

Stop worrying so much!

Your brain is a sacred place created by God - it's where He resides, where he communicates with you, and where He reveals to you your destiny. The next time you feel those anxious thoughts creeping in, yell at the devil to get his hands off of God's property.

Here's the bottom line: you're going to have hard decisions to make, and the enemy is going to use those to make your mind an anxiety ridden warzone. All you have to do is remind him how big your God is, and remember that He has your entire destiny completely mapped out.

I invite you this week to take control of your anxiety. 

Shift your intention from "how are people thinking of me?" to "how am I thinking of others?" Stop worrying about what "might" happen and remember that God has it all worked out. Start saying no to people when you want to say no to them, no matter how upset they may get with you. 

God is too good for you to stay anxious. 

Jesus is looking at you with nothing but love. No matter what choices you make, he is sitting on His throne and saying:

"This is my child, and with them I am well pleased."