Having Faith Amidst Disappointment

I just graduated college in the middle of a global pandemic.

If you had asked me four years ago where I thought I was going to end up after graduation, never in a million years would I have said “unemployed and moving back in with my parents”. Never. If you had told freshman year Bailey that’s where she was headed, she would have dropped out.

And yet, that’s exactly where I am. I have the degree I worked so hard for, and every single job I have applied for has told me no. I won’t be able to afford to live on my own, so it seems that moving back in with my parents is the only option. I’ve lived on my own for four years, and now all of my furniture is going into a storage unit to collect cobwebs. My residence will be my childhood bedroom. My income will be next to nonexistent. I feel completely and utterly out of control - so here I am, degree in hand, completely lost and unsure about what’s next.

On top of all of that, I have now more than ever fallen into the social media comparison trap. I feel like there has been an enormous push on social media to really “take advantage of quarantine” - in other words, if you’re not exercising daily, eating healthy, or starting a business right now, then you’re wasting your time. I’ve been struggling on and off with this weird sense of guilt about not feeling motivated to do all of these things.

On the flip side of that guilty feeling is the reality that the current state of the world is…well, chaotic. I should be giving myself grace and being gentle with myself as I learn how to navigate this new situation, but I just can’t shake this overwhelming sense of guilt, dismay, and absolute defeat.

Disappointment doesn’t begin to describe how I feel about my current situation.

And it breaks my heart to know that so many of you are in the same boat.

I think we can all agree that the current state of the world sucks. It sucks. And there’s absolutely nothing we can do about it. We are completely helpless and out of control.

So how do we move forward? How do we keep our faith when the disappointments just keep coming?

Well, the first thing we have to acknowledge is probably the most obvious: we were never in control in the first place.

We as humans constantly make the mistake of thinking that we are in control of our lives and what happens in them, and while we do make our own decisions and exercise our free will daily, it is crucial that we understand how involved God is. God doesn’t just sit and observe from above, He is an active participant in our lives. He controls what time you wake up and how many red lights you get stopped at on your way to work. He controls whether or not they’re out of toilet paper at the supermarket. He controls whether or not we have breath in our lungs and whether or not our hearts continue to beat. God is in the details of your life - even the ones that seem small and insignificant.

He is in control of everything.

The second truth that must be acknowledged is that God is good.

I know you read that, but read it again.

God does everything for the good of His holy kingdom. He is constantly preparing a place for us and moving the parts and pieces necessary to get us to the point of Christ’s return.

Here’s the thing though -

Yes, everything He does is for His kingdom, but we’re all heirs…so that kingdom He’s building? Yeah, that’s for you. You get to take part in that. You get to live with your Creator in paradise for eternity. Everything God does is for the good of the Kingdom, but you’re a part of that - meaning that He is so good that what is in the best interest of the kingdom is in your best interest as well.

I cannot stress this enough: God is good. He did not forget about you. Bad stuff is not happening to harm you, but to form you - form you into someone who is more like His perfect Son. Form you into the person you were created to be in the first place.

So if we take these two truths at face value, we can draw one conclusion: that this is all happening for a reason.

Now you’re probably thinking, “but Baileyyyy…that doesn’t make it any easier!”

Girl. I know.

I don’t think there’s anything that I could say to make this situation better for you, no matter how badly I want to. I struggle with my current reality daily. It’s not going to be easy for awhile, but you know what? We don’t need ease. You and me, we don’t need perfect. We don’t need simple.

We need to stand firm in our faith, draw near to the Father, and cling to the hope that we have in Him - and we do have hope in Him!

You’re going to be alright. You’re going to be able to look back at this absolute mess and be grateful about the way that it happened. At the end of it all, you’re going to be able to dust yourself off, smile, and say “wow, if I could make it through that, then I am beyond ready for whatever’s ahead of me.”

God is in the details of your life, and He will never abandon you. Every single thing-good and bad-is happening for your benefit. Find your peace in that.

And hey - you’re gonna be okay.

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This is a really weird time, and I know for a fact that I am not the only one struggling with the current state of my life. If you need prayer, please reach out to me! I want to create a community where praying for each other is the usual thing, so if you have any prayer, big or small, click here.

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Here’s some scripture to encourage you as you learn to navigate this season. Write these down, hang them on your mirror, and read them out loud to declare them over your life every time you see them!

Jeremiah 29:11 - “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord. “Plans that are good for you and not to harm you; plans to give you hope and a future.”

Proverbs 3:5-6 - Trust in the Lord with all your heart, do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.

1 Peter 1:3-4 - Because God raised Jesus Christ from the dead, we now live with great expectation. We have a priceless inheritance - an inheritance that is kept in heaven for you, pure and undefiled, beyond the reach of change and decay.

Romans 12:12 - Rejoice and be confident in hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying.

and here’s some songs:

Already There - Casting Crowns

Breakthrough (Live) - Red Rocks Worship

Soul’s Anthem - Tori Kelly

Sweet Serendipity - Lee DeWyze

To the One (Live) - UPPERROOM

Come to Me (Spontaneous) - Bethel Music, Jenn & Brian Johnson

Gravity - Jenn & Brian Johnson

The Hammer & the Dollar Bill

I don’t know about you guys, but I am absolutely terrible at resting.

Maybe it’s the way that we were raised. Maybe it’s social media. Maybe it stems from our generation’s need to be admired. Whatever it is, I think we can all agree on one thing - it’s not healthy.

I knew this year was going to be busy. I was working three jobs, running social media and designing apparel for the cheer squad I’m a part of, and juggling studying and homework for all of my classes. On top of all of that, I was dealing with some emotional baggage that had recently come into my life. 

Needless to say, I became overwhelmed very quickly. One night, I decided to write down everything that needed to be done in the upcoming month - and I began to bawl.

We’re not talking cute, Disney princess tears. I’m talking laying on my floor, being unable to catch my breath, absolutely panic-sobbing. Ya know, the kind that wakes up your neighbors. I hadn’t had a single night off in weeks, and I wasn’t about to get one any time soon. I was absolutely exhausted.

Through my puffy eyes I began to journal and pray about what to do. I clearly couldn’t continue on like this, I was a mess. I asked God what to do - should I quit one of my jobs? Stop cheering? Just drop out of school altogether?

The whole time I was writing, one annoying thought kept echoing in my head:

What if I miss out on something?

I’ve always had this fear that I’m going to make a mistake and mess up my entire life. I was taking every opportunity that was thrown my way in fear of “missing the mark.” What if I didn’t take a job, but that job ended up being the one I needed? What if I throw myself off track and completely ruin my life because I threw away an opportunity? Everyone talks about how God opens doors - but what if He opens one and I don’t walk through it?

The next day, I spoke to my therapist about this. She asked me one question:

“Bailey, you are a human what?”

“...being?” I replied, confused.

“Exactly. You are a human being, not a human doing.”

That clicked for me. As simple as it was, that was all I needed to hear. I was spending way too much time focused on completing tasks, and wasn’t taking any time to just be - and it wasn’t fair to my body. 

Rest is something that has been necessary from the beginning of time. It’s written in Genesis that on the seventh day of creation, God rested. 

Did you get that? GOD rested.

He didn’t rest because He was tired, but to demonstrate for us what He knew we were going to need. Rest reminds us how small we are compared to God, and that He cares about us so much that He never takes his eyes off of us. We can lay down and sleep at night knowing that we are taken care of, because our God never grows tired.

Humans need to rest - it’s literally part of our design.

Somewhere along the line though, we got that messed up. Somewhere along the line we started associating our worth with what we accomplish - the more tasks the complete, the more admiration we get, and that proves that we’re worthy.

Have you ever heard the hammer/dollar metaphor?

Let’s say you have a hammer, and it’s a really great hammer. It helps you with projects around the house, and you totally love it.

One day however, you notice that it’s starting to get a little rusty, so you decide to throw that hammer out and buy a new one. You like this one too, but when you’re working on a project, the handle breaks. So, you throw it out and get another new one.

Let’s also say that you have a dollar bill. You put it in your pocket, forget about it, and it goes through the wash. When you find it again, it’s all wrinkled and soggy. You shrug and put it in your wallet anyway.

The hammer lost value over time. If it got damaged or became outdated, you could replace it.

The dollar bill however, did not. No matter how many times you crumple that thing or put it through the wash, its value can’t depreciate.

Do you see where I’m going with this?

When God looks at you, He doesn’t see a hammer. Your value to God does not depend on your functionality, your condition, or your accomplishments. 

God looks at you like the dollar bill. There is absolutely nothing you can do that could make you lose worth in His sight. Because of the cross, He doesn’t see how dirty or crumpled up you are - He sees his perfect & precious son. He doesn’t say “come to me, all who are perfect and have accomplished much.” He says “come to me, all who are worn out and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.”

Rest is a necessity, not an option. It’s okay to take a break from life in order to recharge. Your worth is not dependent on what you check off on your to-do list, and you’re not going to mess up God’s plan for you. He’s too big and powerful to allow that. 

Slow down and take care of yourself, you can’t miss what God has predestined to be yours.

_________________________

Songs to listen to while you take a break:

Gravity - Jenn Johnson & Brian Johnson

In Over My Head - Bethel Music

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Be a Friend

When I was younger, I didn’t have very many friends.

I didn’t really have any friends, actually. I was a pretty lonely kid. I didn’t talk to people in fear that they might think I was weird or awkward, so I just kept to quiet. I spent a lot of time by myself, and I spent a lot of time alone with my thoughts.

The anxiety didn’t set in all at once, it built up over time. My brain was a ticking time bomb of unexpressed emotions. I was so lonely - I had convinced myself that I was too socially awkward to make friends, and that I was unworthy of friendship. The enemy berated my brain daily; he had a tight grip on my thoughts. He whispered to me over and over that I was worthless and that no one liked me. The worst part is that I believed him. Eventually, everything got so pent up that it had to come out.

I remember walking down the stairs and seeing my parents sitting in the living room. I was too tired to beat around the bush, so I just came out and said it -

“I’m thinking about killing myself.”

Saying those words aloud opened up a floodgate of emotion. I had a large-scale panic attack that lasted five days. In those five days, I stayed home from school so my parents and church leaders could counsel me, pray with me, and provide me with more love and comfort than I could ever ask for. I thank God for those people every day.

God was so faithful through the whole thing. He pulled me close, and provided me with loving comfort. I went to see a therapist, who helped me learn how to work through my feelings. God continued to place people in my life to take care of me. Over time, the anxiety subsided and my confidence grew, and I started to reach out to people at school and church. I made friends, and the loneliness that was once so rock solid within me fell apart.

When I began to heal, I made two promises to myself:

1. I would never allow myself to get that low again without talking to someone about it.

2. I never wanted anyone to feel the way I felt, and if someone needed a friend then I would do everything in my power to make them feel loved.

I would be the light.

In our world, not everybody’s story ends like mine. Not everyone has a happy ending. We live in a world where we are constantly at each other’s throats with criticism and judgement. We ostracize people because they’re “different” or they’re “not cool.” We judge people solely based on their physical appearance and rumors that we hear from others. If they don’t measure up to our standards, they don’t get our friendship.

I’m ashamed to admit it, but I’ve been on both sides of the spectrum. I’ve been so lonely that I wanted to die, but I’ve also been the mean girl. I’ve excluded people and made them feel unloved because of my own insecurities. I’ve blatantly ignored people because I thought they weren’t good enough for me. I’ve treated people like they’re an inconvenience to me. I’ve deliberately spread rumors about people just to bring them down. I’ve been bullied, but I’ve also been a bully.

Matthew 22:39 states it clearly:

“Love your neighbor as yourself.”

When Jesus says that, he calls it the “second greatest commandment,” the first being to love God above all else. Love God, then love people.

Why is that so dang hard?

I don’t mean that sarcastically either - it’s hard to love everyone around you. Trust me, I know. But imagine how different our world would be if we were even just a little bit kinder to those around us.

Often times, it seems that Christians are the worst at this. There has been multiple occasions where I have invited someone to church and they have declined because “they feel judged.” There have also been occasions where someone has found out that I’m a Christian and they no longer felt like they could share things with me because they feared I was going to judge them.

What kind of name have we made for God by being judgmental?

God himself is the supreme judge, but unlike ours, his judgements are just and righteous. We as humans have no right to cast judgement on our neighbor, and by doing so we give the impression that God is as irrational and frivolous as we are. The reality is that we serve a loving God. If God loves us despite our ugly sins, we can love each other.

Let me say that again.

If God - the creator of the universe and everything in it - calls us to love our neighbor as ourselves, then we have absolutely no right to do anything less than that.

Next time you think about judging someone for their appearance, consider this: that person is an image bearer.

Just like you.

Next time you think about screenshotting someone’s post on social media and gossiping about it in your group chat, consider this: that person deserves love and grace.

Just like you.

Next time you see someone sitting alone, consider this: inviting them to sit with you could change their entire day, and possibly their entire outlook on life.

Just like it would for you if you were in their shoes.

Show Jesus to someone today. Be a light. Be a friend. Invite someone who’s lonely to sit by you. Reach out to an old friend you haven’t talked to in awhile. Doing something as small as complimenting a stranger could change the entire trajectory of their day.

Where’s the harm in extending love?

What do you have to lose by being kind?

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I only have one song for you this time, but it’s a good one:

One Awkward Moment - Casting Crowns

*edit - I lied. I want to add one more song:

Nobody - Casting Crowns feat. Matthew West

Movers, Shakers, and Decision Makers

When it comes to making decisions, there are a few different types of people:

1. The Decision Makers - as made obvious by the name, these are the people who have no problem making decisions. Aside from the normal amount of discomfort that accompanies decision making, they experience very little additional anxiety.

2. The Opportunity Costers* - opportunity cost is an economic term that refers to the principle that you must give something up in order to gain something else. These are the people who get anxiety from decisions because of the fear that they'll miss out on whatever they don't choose. They're scared that if they pick the wrong thing, the entire trajectory of their life will be thrown off.

*Is this a word? No. But I just made it one. Boom.

3. The Survey Takers - this group is prone to being overly concerned with the opinions of others. When it comes to making decisions (especially big ones), they don't move forward without first getting the opinions of others.

I fall somewhere in between the Opportunity Costers and the Survey Takers. When I have to make a decision, I panic (like really panic). I worry that if I make the wrong decision, I'll miss out on what God has in store for me. On top of that, I worry about disappointing the people around me if I do the wrong thing. People say "you made your bed, now lie in it," and it absolutely terrifies me.

What if I make the bed the wrong way?

This fear often prevents me from making decisions altogether, which is neither healthy nor productive. My inability to make decisions has really been taking a toll on me lately, but the other day God placed something on my heart and everything suddenly made sense.

What did He place on my heart, you ask?

Mrs. Piggle Wiggle.

When I was little, I read a book series about a woman named Mrs. Piggle Wiggle, who had the cure for every "ailment" a child could have. From not bathing to eating too slowly, Mrs. Piggle Wiggle knew exactly what to do. One of my favorite books of the series was the one where she helps a girl learn how to make her bed. The girl had no idea how to do it the right way, which left her parents displeased. To fix the problem, Mrs. Piggle Wiggle dressed like a witch and teased the girl  (in a nice way, don't worry) until she learned to make her bed with absolutely no wrinkles.

At first I was confused as to why this popped into my head  (other than to bring about fond childhood memories), when suddenly, it clicked. 

No matter what you do, how badly you mess up, no matter how many times, there's absolutely nothing you can do that will ruin God's plan for your life if you're following Him.

Don't get me wrong - you can certainly get off track. However, if you're genuinely trying to follow God's plan for your life and you're just worried about how to get where He needs you to be  (like me!), I've got some good news for you: God already knows all of the decisions you're going to make, good and bad. You can't do anything to surprise God - which is such a relief.

If God already knows all the decisions you're going to make, don't you think that He's already worked out a plan to get you to where you need to be?

Shortly after Mrs. Piggle Wiggle, another thing popped into my head - one of my favorite verses, Proverbs 3:6:

"In all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight."

Click!

Okay, I hear you Jesus.

The cool thing about God is that He is overflowing with love. He doesn't sit up in heaven and move us around like puppets on strings, nor does He just sit back and let us ruin our lives without interjecting. Instead, He is like Mrs. Piggle Wiggle - if He sees you attempting to make the bed, He is going to honor you for trying -

and if you mess it up, He'll help you remake the bed.

What I've realized is that God honors motion. If your heart is in the right place when you're making a decision, it truly doesn't matter what you choose - God already has it all worked out. He will direct you in the way you need to go. There is absolutely nothing you can do that will ruin His grand plan.

So, breathe.

You don't have to worry about making the "wrong" decision as long as you're putting in the effort to move yourself forward. You can't just stay in neutral and not make any decisions because they're "hard" - it's difficult for God to purpose an object that's not in motion. Think of the Israelites in Exodus for example - God brought them to the promise land, but they were too scared to step into it. They took one look at all of the giants in the land and decided not to trust that God had already worked everything out in their favor.

Don't be like the Israelites.

Stop worrying about all of the "what if's" and hold onto the fact that Jesus has already worked out every single little detail of every situation you'll be in.

This doesn't go to say that if you find yourself faced with a big decision you should just choose a random one and go with it. What I'm saying is that if you're genuinely trying to follow the path that God wants for you, and you've prayed about it but haven't got an answer, then maybe you need to consider the idea that His silence is your answer.

Maybe He's turning you into a decision maker.

Stop procrastinating because you're scared of choosing the wrong thing.

God already has this all worked out.

So, take a deep breath and take a leap of faith.

Even if He's silent, He'll be with you every step of the way -

and He's waiting to catch you on the other side.

Oh, and one more thing -

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" (Jeremiah 29:11).

_________________________

Songs to empower you on your decision-making journey:

Oceans (I know - a classic!) - Hillsong United

Fearless - Jasmine Murray

Never Gone - Colton Dixon

You Make Me Brave (Live) - Amanda Cook, Bethel Music

Hurricane - Natalie Grant

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xo

@thelightclctive

The Law of Demand

Last semester, I suffered through a macroeconomics class. I was absolutely terrible at it, and because I didn't understand majority of the content I didn't take a whole lot away from the class overall. One of the only things I remember is the law of demand, specifically that our demand for "more stuff" is never ending. No matter what, people are always going to want more. 

I think this unending want is innate, but is encouraged from a young age. We're taught that it's good to want more, and that the want for more is a sign of a good work ethic. As we grow up, we begin to equate "happiness" to "more stuff." It's not on purpose, it's just how we are (and how we're socialized). We think that if we can just get that one thing that we want, we will be happy and our desire for more will be met - but that isn't how the law of demand works.

The reason that the law of demand reigns supreme is because all of the things we're craving are temporary, as in the pleasure they provide for us is fleeting. In the end, we always end up craving more - more money, more sex, more authority at work, more attention - just more.

You may be asking yourself what this has to do with Jesus.

Well, allow me to introduce you to the love bucket metaphor.

We are human buckets. In order to achieve happiness, we fill our buckets with things that we love. This can be things like the affection of a boyfriend, drinking, shopping - basically anything that brings us comfort. The problem however, is that we are all born with a God-sized hole in our bucket. Each time we fill it with things of this earth, they slowly trickle out the hole in our buckets, leaving us empty again and again. Until we learn to patch that hole, our buckets can never be filled and we will never feel satisfied. 

It makes sense that we would patch a God-sized hole with God, but that's easier said than done. There are so many tangible and pleasurable things that we have access to, which makes it difficult to focus on God. We are so focused on getting "the next best thing" that we sometimes forget that God even exists.

I am incredibly guilty of this. I am a serial bucket-filler, and I fill it the most with boys. It's nice to feel loved, but I rely so much on the other person to make me feel complete that I always end up feeling disappointed and uncared for. This has made my romantic life very frustrating. It doesn't make sense to ask a boy to fill a God-sized hole, yet I expect them to do it over and over. 

Maybe you're the same way. Maybe your problem isn't boys, maybe it's spending money on things you don't really need. Maybe it's food. Maybe it's drugs or drinking. Maybe it's sleep. Whatever it is that you're relying on to make you happy is what you're using to fill your bucket - and if it's not God, you're always going to end up with that same empty feeling.

The cool thing about God is that He's overflowing with love, and He's not going to withhold the love that you're craving. In fact, He's waiting for you to accept it! Jesus is standing at the door of your heart, love in hand, ready to pour into you and fill your bucket at any time you wish - all you gotta do is let Him in!

It goes both ways though - you can't expect Jesus to come and pour into you if you're not pouring into Him. He wants a relationship with you, and relationships - as you know - require lots and lots of effort from both sides. Jesus is more than willing to do His part and fill you up, but you have to be willing to spend time with Him. Talk to Him. Pray fervently. Open your Bible and read His word. Having a relationship with Jesus is the most rewarding and fulfilling thing you can do for yourself. Ephesians 3:18-19 says:

"may you have the strength to comprehend what is the breadth and length and height and depth of the love of Christ for you that surpasses all knowledge, that you may be filled with the fullness of God."

God is ready to patch up your bucket.

Are you going to let Him?

(hint: you should.)

It will fill you up more than you thought possible, and will satisfy your every desire.

_________________________

Songs to praise Him to (because He's so good):

Satisfied - Jordan Feliz

O Come to the Altar - Elevation Worship

Spirit of the Living God - Vertical Worship

Standing Up

I've never been very good at standing up for myself. When I was little, I got bullied a lot. Kids can be mean, and I was a weird kid which made me an easy target. I would come home and tell my parents what the other kids said to me, and they would always help me come up with witty comebacks so I could defend myself. Every time I would write it down and bring it to school with me so I could tell it to my antagonizers, but when their taunting would start I would always lose my nerve and back down. I would always end up going home and feeling just as lousy as I did they day before. 

I remembered that feeling the other day when I was reading Esther. Esther is awesome, but as I was reading I realized that one of the most important characters in the story is actually Queen Vashti. She's only in the first chapter, but without her there's no way the Jews could have been rescued.

Esther 1:10-21 says:

"On the seventh day, when the heart of the king was merry with wine, he commanded his servants to bring Queen Vashti before the king with her royal crown, in order to show the peoples and the princes her beauty, for she was lovely to look at. But Queen Vashti refused to come at the king's command delivered by the servants. At this the king became enraged. 

Then the king said to his wise men 'according to the law, what is to be done to Queen Vashti, because she has not performed the command of the King Xerxes delivered by the servants?'

Then Memucan, a noble of the king, said 'the queen's behavior will be made known to all women, causing them to look at their husbands with contempt. If it please the king, let a royal order go out from him, and let it be written among the laws that Vashti is never again to come before King Xerxes. And let the king give her royal position to another who is better than she'. This advise pleased the king, and he sent letters to all the royal provinces."

We don't know much about Queen Vashti, but what we do know is that she had to have a really good reason that she didn't want to perform that day, since she probably knew that she would be punished - and my guess is that God left her reasoning unknown on purpose. Perhaps it was that she felt objectified being shown off for her looks rather than her intellect and grace. Maybe she was having marital issues. Maybe she was just too tired to do it that day. Whatever it was, something inside her snapped and made her bold enough to stand up to the king.

Maybe this situation sounds a little familiar to you. Maybe you've been dealing with things in your life that have left you feeling frustrated, hurt, or angry. Maybe you feel like you're being taken for granted. Maybe you're tired of people taking advantage of your kindness.

Maybe it's time for you to stand up for yourself too. 

You see, if Vashti hadn't stood up for herself things would have been way different. If she had just done as she was told, she wouldn't have had to step down from being queen, Esther would have never risen to power, and the all of the Jews in the land would have been killed. She was the catalyst in God's great plan.

Esther is one of the only books in the Bible that never mentions God's name. Instead, His presence is made known through the intricacy of the events that unfold. If you look closely, you can see that He was in control the entire time. God strategically placed things in Vashti's life that lead up to this moment. He allowed things to happen that caused her discomfort and pushed her to her limits so He could use her to fulfill His purpose. Vashti's disobedience to the king was part of God's plan. She didn't do anything big (I mean the book isn't called Vashti, it's called Esther), all she did was stand up for herself - and it sent a whirlwind of events into motion.

God doesn't want you to be a doormat. You're His precious creation! You are worth so much, and you deserve to be treated with respect by the people around you. He is allowing you to feel that discomfort that you feel in certain situations so that you learn to stand up for yourself. It doesn't have to be anything huge; something as little as saying no to hanging out with someone because you're too tired can have a positive impact on you. When you learn to stand up for what's good for you, God blesses you. He has opened up so many doors for me just because I learned how to stand up for myself. I've learned how to tell people no. I'm finally figuring out my worth. 

And let me tell you, it feels so good.

So my question to you is:

Are you standing up for yourself?

Maybe God's using trying to teach you a lesson.

Don't be scared, give it a try - you'll be surprised at the blessings you'll receive.

_________________________

Songs to help with your bravery as you learn to stand up for yourself:

You Make Me Brave - Amanda Cook & Bethel Music

HARD LOVE - NEEDTOBREATHE & Lauren Daigle

Wrecking Ball

We all have these ideas in our head of what our life is going to be.

We all picture ourselves growing up and going to our dream college, getting our dream job, marrying our dream spouse, and raising our dream family. 

But then you apply for that college and you don't get in. You start what you thought was going to be the perfect major for you, and you hate it. All of your friends are in happy relationships and getting engaged, while you can't even work up the courage to talk to that cute boy in your math class. At this point, you feel like you'd be better off just moving far, far away and raising 14 cats.

If this is you, sit back and take a breath.

I feel you.

You see, I had my whole life mapped out. I had wanted to work in forensics ever since I was old enough to watch "48 Hours Mystery." I was going to go to college and study biomed for four years, go to medical school, and become a forensic pathologist. When I started classes however, I sucked at it. I had a boyfriend at the time that I thought was my end game, but beneath the surface things were far from perfect and I was incredibly unhappy. People who I thought would be my friends forever began to exit my life. I can't express to you how frustrated I was when my carefully thought out plan began to crumble. I felt completely hopeless, so I did what I do best -

I cried. REALLY cried. For like...2 hours.

In my snot covered and tear stained state, I began to make a list of things that I thought I was good at. It looked like this:

1. Crying about things that don't need to be cried about

2. Writing

I decided that I couldn't major in being a drama queen, so I looked at majors that involved a lot of writing. While I was scrolling through, I felt that little tug at my heart as I passed over communications. I prayed about it, and I felt confident that was where Jesus wanted me to be, so I switched majors and say goodbye to my dream of studying dead bodies forever.

I dated that boy for a couple more months before God really made it clear that His plan for me did not include him. It was hard, but I ended things. I cried a lot (again), but Jesus provided me with amazing strength and peace through it all. A few short months later, I met an amazing man of God who loves me so well.

Those friends who left cleared the way for me to meet a new group of friends. I am now surrounded by an incredible support system of girls who genuinely love me and love Jesus.

God completely wrecked my plan for my life, and for awhile I was scared it was never going to get put back together. Over time however, God has shown me that He has my best interest at heart. Even though change hurts sometimes, I'm happier because of it. My greatest gifts came from letting go of my own plan for my life and surrendering to what God has planned. Had He not changed the trajectory of my life, I wouldn't have started this blog!

A bible verse that has really helped reassure me during this time of change is Proverbs 3:6:

"In all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight."

I still don't really know what I'm doing, but I'm confident that anything Jesus has planned for me is infinitely better than anything I could plan for myself. God knows how many hairs are on your head. If He pays that much attention to something so small, don't you think it's safe to say that he has the plan for your life all worked out?

I promise you have absolutely nothing to worry about.

I know your life might feel like a broken mess right now, but all of those broken pieces are working together in your favor to create something beautiful. 

Be patient. Trust His timing. It will all come together.

Until then, pray to Him and praise Him - 

He's making your path straight.

_________________________

Songs to listen to while you wait:

Already There - Casting crowns (a personal favorite of mine, this is my go to comfort song)

Trust In You - Lauren Daigle

Have It All - Brian Johnson, Bethel Music

Open Hands - Laura Story, Mac Powell