Having Faith Amidst Disappointment

I just graduated college in the middle of a global pandemic.

If you had asked me four years ago where I thought I was going to end up after graduation, never in a million years would I have said “unemployed and moving back in with my parents”. Never. If you had told freshman year Bailey that’s where she was headed, she would have dropped out.

And yet, that’s exactly where I am. I have the degree I worked so hard for, and every single job I have applied for has told me no. I won’t be able to afford to live on my own, so it seems that moving back in with my parents is the only option. I’ve lived on my own for four years, and now all of my furniture is going into a storage unit to collect cobwebs. My residence will be my childhood bedroom. My income will be next to nonexistent. I feel completely and utterly out of control - so here I am, degree in hand, completely lost and unsure about what’s next.

On top of all of that, I have now more than ever fallen into the social media comparison trap. I feel like there has been an enormous push on social media to really “take advantage of quarantine” - in other words, if you’re not exercising daily, eating healthy, or starting a business right now, then you’re wasting your time. I’ve been struggling on and off with this weird sense of guilt about not feeling motivated to do all of these things.

On the flip side of that guilty feeling is the reality that the current state of the world is…well, chaotic. I should be giving myself grace and being gentle with myself as I learn how to navigate this new situation, but I just can’t shake this overwhelming sense of guilt, dismay, and absolute defeat.

Disappointment doesn’t begin to describe how I feel about my current situation.

And it breaks my heart to know that so many of you are in the same boat.

I think we can all agree that the current state of the world sucks. It sucks. And there’s absolutely nothing we can do about it. We are completely helpless and out of control.

So how do we move forward? How do we keep our faith when the disappointments just keep coming?

Well, the first thing we have to acknowledge is probably the most obvious: we were never in control in the first place.

We as humans constantly make the mistake of thinking that we are in control of our lives and what happens in them, and while we do make our own decisions and exercise our free will daily, it is crucial that we understand how involved God is. God doesn’t just sit and observe from above, He is an active participant in our lives. He controls what time you wake up and how many red lights you get stopped at on your way to work. He controls whether or not they’re out of toilet paper at the supermarket. He controls whether or not we have breath in our lungs and whether or not our hearts continue to beat. God is in the details of your life - even the ones that seem small and insignificant.

He is in control of everything.

The second truth that must be acknowledged is that God is good.

I know you read that, but read it again.

God does everything for the good of His holy kingdom. He is constantly preparing a place for us and moving the parts and pieces necessary to get us to the point of Christ’s return.

Here’s the thing though -

Yes, everything He does is for His kingdom, but we’re all heirs…so that kingdom He’s building? Yeah, that’s for you. You get to take part in that. You get to live with your Creator in paradise for eternity. Everything God does is for the good of the Kingdom, but you’re a part of that - meaning that He is so good that what is in the best interest of the kingdom is in your best interest as well.

I cannot stress this enough: God is good. He did not forget about you. Bad stuff is not happening to harm you, but to form you - form you into someone who is more like His perfect Son. Form you into the person you were created to be in the first place.

So if we take these two truths at face value, we can draw one conclusion: that this is all happening for a reason.

Now you’re probably thinking, “but Baileyyyy…that doesn’t make it any easier!”

Girl. I know.

I don’t think there’s anything that I could say to make this situation better for you, no matter how badly I want to. I struggle with my current reality daily. It’s not going to be easy for awhile, but you know what? We don’t need ease. You and me, we don’t need perfect. We don’t need simple.

We need to stand firm in our faith, draw near to the Father, and cling to the hope that we have in Him - and we do have hope in Him!

You’re going to be alright. You’re going to be able to look back at this absolute mess and be grateful about the way that it happened. At the end of it all, you’re going to be able to dust yourself off, smile, and say “wow, if I could make it through that, then I am beyond ready for whatever’s ahead of me.”

God is in the details of your life, and He will never abandon you. Every single thing-good and bad-is happening for your benefit. Find your peace in that.

And hey - you’re gonna be okay.

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This is a really weird time, and I know for a fact that I am not the only one struggling with the current state of my life. If you need prayer, please reach out to me! I want to create a community where praying for each other is the usual thing, so if you have any prayer, big or small, click here.

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Here’s some scripture to encourage you as you learn to navigate this season. Write these down, hang them on your mirror, and read them out loud to declare them over your life every time you see them!

Jeremiah 29:11 - “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord. “Plans that are good for you and not to harm you; plans to give you hope and a future.”

Proverbs 3:5-6 - Trust in the Lord with all your heart, do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.

1 Peter 1:3-4 - Because God raised Jesus Christ from the dead, we now live with great expectation. We have a priceless inheritance - an inheritance that is kept in heaven for you, pure and undefiled, beyond the reach of change and decay.

Romans 12:12 - Rejoice and be confident in hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying.

and here’s some songs:

Already There - Casting Crowns

Breakthrough (Live) - Red Rocks Worship

Soul’s Anthem - Tori Kelly

Sweet Serendipity - Lee DeWyze

To the One (Live) - UPPERROOM

Come to Me (Spontaneous) - Bethel Music, Jenn & Brian Johnson

Gravity - Jenn & Brian Johnson

God the Farmer

If I'm being brutally honest, I've felt more disconnected from Jesus these past few months than I have in awhile. Not for any particular reason - nothing bad has happened that has made me want to distance myself, but nothing over-the-top exciting is happening to set me on fire either. You hear people talk about hills and valleys all the time, but I want to talk to you about the place that I am, and I'm sure many of you may be too -

the plains.

I'm an Iowa native, so I'm all too familiar with this kind of terrain. Very flat, very uninteresting, not a lot going on - like a geographical pancake. Driving through Iowa can be both dull and confusing, because all of the landscape looks exactly the same. I often find myself struggling to find ways to entertain myself on long drives across state, because focusing on the road itself is just so boring.

Spiritual plains aren't that different - when you're in a spiritual plain, doing things as small as reading your Bible can become tedious. It becomes difficult to hear Him. It's almost like you're stumbling around in a pitch black room trying to find the light switch so you can see where you are and where the door is, but you can't find it. In prayer, I often find myself asking God "what next?"or "what's the purpose of all of this waiting?"

"Are You even there?" 

The answer (although it may be hard to believe) is yes. God never leaves your side no matter what.

So, why the silent treatment?

Growing up in Iowa, I learned quite a few things about farming (haha, let the stereotypical Iowa jokes begin). We're nicknamed "the corn state," because that is our primary crop to grow and export. Our land is perfect for it - we have rainy weather all through April, which is when the seeds are planted. The balance of humid and dry days throughout the summer months provide a stable climate for the seeds to cultivate. But most importantly of all, it's nice and flat, which makes it easy to plow and tend to. Corn can't grow in the bumpy terrain of the Colorado rockies, nor can it grow in the mossy swamps of Florida. It takes a very special kind of land for the seeds to take root and thrive.

In other words, the plains are perfect for growth.

When a seed is planted, it can't see what's going on - all it can see is the darkness of the soil surrounding it. Then slowly, over time, it begins to change. It begins to get bigger and sprout, eventually poking its way through the earth and up into the world. By harvest season, it's full grown and ready to fulfill its purpose.

You've heard of God the Father...now get ready to meet God the Farmer.

James 5:7-8 says "Be patient, then, brothers, until the Lord's coming. See how the farmer waits for the land to yield its valuable crop and how patient he is for the autumn and spring rains. You too, be patient and stand firm, because the Lord's coming is near."

You may feel like nothing's happening, but that's only because growing takes time. God has planted you in exactly the place you need to be in order to thrive. He knows how much rain you need and how much sun. He takes the time to pluck weeds out of your way so you can better spread your roots. He is tenderly caring for you and protecting you.

It may feel tedious and monotonous, but you should definitely take this time to dive into His word. Think of it as adding fertilizer - it'll help you grow.

And remember -

no matter how unsure you feel, you can count on one thing for certain - God is using this time in the plain to grow you and shape you so that you're ready to fulfill your purpose in the harvest season.

Have confidence in that.

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Songs to jam out to while you grow:

So Will I (100 Billion X) - Hillsong United

Shadow Step - Hillsong United

Good Fight - Unspoken

Hope in Front of Me - Danny Gokey

The Lord our God - Passion, Kristian Stanfill

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xo

@thelightclctive

Attitude Adjustment

I catch myself complaining a lot...like a lot a lot. A ridiculous amount. It's like some kind of sick talent - I can turn any situation into something negative to be complained about. Just this morning, I woke up and noticed that I had developed a large red zit on my cheek over night. Even though the rest of my skin still looked good, I just couldn't look past that one zit. It drove me crazy, and I talked about it for ten minutes. Yeah, you heard me right - ten. Ten whole minutes of my life wasted on a small bump on my cheek. How ridiculous is that?

We all do it though. Everyone has something to complain about, which got me thinking - why do we complain?

I was thinking about this question all night, and when I woke up this morning it hit me: we complain because we think we deserve better - better skin, a better job with higher income, better friends, a better body, just better. 

This got me thinking about a second question: why do we think we deserve better?

Today, I want to talk to you about a silent killer - pride. 

Pride defined is a feeling or deep pleasure or satisfaction derived from one's own achievements. I say "silent killer" because most of the time we don't notice it. Pride is sneaky, making it a sin that's easy to commit. It's easy to correct a behavior when you notice yourself physically doing it, like disrespecting your parents or lying. It's much harder when that behavior is internal - and when literally everyone around you is doing the same thing.

Our world teaches us that if we want something, we should be able to get it. It teaches us that life should be fair, so it hands out participation trophies and stickers that say "A for effort!" This embeds in us the idea that no matter what we do, we deserve a reward, which in turn boosts our pride. 

Don't get me wrong, it's good in small doses. It's good to be proud of yourself for getting an A on a test that you studied really hard for, or when you achieve a personal goal. It becomes dangerous when you begin to feel entitled. It becomes dangerous when you start to feel like you deserve something that someone else has. It becomes dangerous when you begin to see yourself as better than someone else. It's dangerous when your attitude becomes "I am great, look and see what I have done."

I think we all need an attitude adjustment.

It starts with shifting our thinking. Instead of "I deserve that," think "God has given me what I have for a reason."

"They're not as good as me" to "they are my brother/sister in Christ."

"I am great, look and see what I have done" to "God is great, look and see what great things He has done."

You see, pride is self-glorification. When you allow yourself to be overcome with pride, you're taking the spotlight that should be on God and putting it on yourself. You're saying that you deserve more glory than - wait for it - the Creator of the universe.

When Jesus came to earth, he came in a manger. His mother and father didn't have much. He worked as a carpenter. He was fully God, yet He came has a humble servant. Philippians 2:5-8 says:

"Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, and took the very nature of a servant, made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself and became obedient to the point of death - even death on a cross!"

Jesus set the perfect example of what humility looks like and called us to follow. The passage in Philippians goes on to say that because of His obedience and willingness to put the entire world before Himself, God exalted Him and gave Him the highest of honors. God rewarded Jesus's humility -

He'll do the same for you. 

In a world that teaches us to be prideful, let us instead be humble.

It's way more fulfilling.

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Here's some songs about how awesome Jesus is (there's no one like Him!):

Lamb of God - Vertical Worship

Broken Vessels (Amazing Grace) - Hillsong Worship

Reckless Love - Cory Asbury

The Law of Demand

Last semester, I suffered through a macroeconomics class. I was absolutely terrible at it, and because I didn't understand majority of the content I didn't take a whole lot away from the class overall. One of the only things I remember is the law of demand, specifically that our demand for "more stuff" is never ending. No matter what, people are always going to want more. 

I think this unending want is innate, but is encouraged from a young age. We're taught that it's good to want more, and that the want for more is a sign of a good work ethic. As we grow up, we begin to equate "happiness" to "more stuff." It's not on purpose, it's just how we are (and how we're socialized). We think that if we can just get that one thing that we want, we will be happy and our desire for more will be met - but that isn't how the law of demand works.

The reason that the law of demand reigns supreme is because all of the things we're craving are temporary, as in the pleasure they provide for us is fleeting. In the end, we always end up craving more - more money, more sex, more authority at work, more attention - just more.

You may be asking yourself what this has to do with Jesus.

Well, allow me to introduce you to the love bucket metaphor.

We are human buckets. In order to achieve happiness, we fill our buckets with things that we love. This can be things like the affection of a boyfriend, drinking, shopping - basically anything that brings us comfort. The problem however, is that we are all born with a God-sized hole in our bucket. Each time we fill it with things of this earth, they slowly trickle out the hole in our buckets, leaving us empty again and again. Until we learn to patch that hole, our buckets can never be filled and we will never feel satisfied. 

It makes sense that we would patch a God-sized hole with God, but that's easier said than done. There are so many tangible and pleasurable things that we have access to, which makes it difficult to focus on God. We are so focused on getting "the next best thing" that we sometimes forget that God even exists.

I am incredibly guilty of this. I am a serial bucket-filler, and I fill it the most with boys. It's nice to feel loved, but I rely so much on the other person to make me feel complete that I always end up feeling disappointed and uncared for. This has made my romantic life very frustrating. It doesn't make sense to ask a boy to fill a God-sized hole, yet I expect them to do it over and over. 

Maybe you're the same way. Maybe your problem isn't boys, maybe it's spending money on things you don't really need. Maybe it's food. Maybe it's drugs or drinking. Maybe it's sleep. Whatever it is that you're relying on to make you happy is what you're using to fill your bucket - and if it's not God, you're always going to end up with that same empty feeling.

The cool thing about God is that He's overflowing with love, and He's not going to withhold the love that you're craving. In fact, He's waiting for you to accept it! Jesus is standing at the door of your heart, love in hand, ready to pour into you and fill your bucket at any time you wish - all you gotta do is let Him in!

It goes both ways though - you can't expect Jesus to come and pour into you if you're not pouring into Him. He wants a relationship with you, and relationships - as you know - require lots and lots of effort from both sides. Jesus is more than willing to do His part and fill you up, but you have to be willing to spend time with Him. Talk to Him. Pray fervently. Open your Bible and read His word. Having a relationship with Jesus is the most rewarding and fulfilling thing you can do for yourself. Ephesians 3:18-19 says:

"may you have the strength to comprehend what is the breadth and length and height and depth of the love of Christ for you that surpasses all knowledge, that you may be filled with the fullness of God."

God is ready to patch up your bucket.

Are you going to let Him?

(hint: you should.)

It will fill you up more than you thought possible, and will satisfy your every desire.

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Songs to praise Him to (because He's so good):

Satisfied - Jordan Feliz

O Come to the Altar - Elevation Worship

Spirit of the Living God - Vertical Worship

There's No "I" in Team, but There is in Anxiety

This week, I want to talk about something that hits close to home. Something that I have fallen victim to almost my entire life. Something that I know a lot of you struggle with daily  -

it's our good ol' friend anxiety. 

You know what I'm talking about - the pit in your stomach, waking up in the middle of the night sweating with you heart pounding out of your chest. I don't know a single person in my life who doesn't struggle with it. It seems to be a world wide epidemic, contaminating the minds of over 40 million Americans. So many people struggle with it, which begs the question:

why are we all so dang anxious?

I've always looked at anxiety as if it was a part of me; something that had to with a misfiring in my brain and therefore out of my control. I've spent countless nights laying awake in bed absolutely begging God to take away my anxious thoughts, but to no avail. I told myself that this was a burden that I was going to have to learn to live with.

What I didn't realize was that I was unintentionally imprisoning myself in my own mind.

When the devil wants to attack you, he's going to first set up camp in your mind. He's going to whisper nasty thoughts in your ear all night, making you worry and drift from bad thought to bad thought. His goal is to fill your head with so much junk that you couldn't possibly hear God's whisper.

And over 40 million of us fall for it. Every. Single. Day. 

What I never thought to consider however, is that I could actually be the root cause of my anxiety. I was choosing to fall victim to my anxiety because it was "out of my control," when in reality my lifestyle was what was causing me to have sleepless nights.

You see, we live in a world that tells us that the decisions we make are important. Our society tells us that we are in control of our destiny, and therefore we have to be very careful and take our time when making decisions. We are told daily "the choices that you make are going to impact you for the rest of your life, so choose wisely!"

If you're like me, that's where a lot of your anxiety comes from.

Fear of making the "wrong" decision has turned me into a major people pleaser. I am ashamed to say that I base almost all of my decisions on what will look good to others. I avoid any type of conflict because I live in a constant fear that I'll say or do the wrong thing and upset the people around me. For you, maybe it's the same thing. Maybe it's deciding where you're going to go for college. Maybe it's whether or not you should break up with your boyfriend. Maybe it's what you should have for dinner.

Maybe you spend so much time weighing the pros and cons of a situation that you end up just pushing it off, and you mask that procrastination by saying "I'm praying about it, but I haven't gotten a clear answer." 

By doing this, we give ourselves opportunities for anxiety and we call them "options."

But I'm going to let you in on a little secret - 

it doesn't matter.

You're staying awake all night and making yourself sick over something that God has already worked out. By allowing those anxious thoughts to ruminate in your brain, you're implying that you are in control of your life, when in reality God is the one who oversees it all. He knows you inside and out. He knows every decision you're going to make, and whether it's the right one or the wrong one He has already designed a plan for your life and you cannot possibly get in His way. If your heart is in the right place, then it doesn't matter what decision you make. People say "you made your bed, now lie in it" and I hate it. 

If you made the bed the wrong way, apologize and remake the dang bed. 

You're allowed to mess up. You're allowed to pick the wrong decision because God already has it all worked out. 

Stop worrying so much!

Your brain is a sacred place created by God - it's where He resides, where he communicates with you, and where He reveals to you your destiny. The next time you feel those anxious thoughts creeping in, yell at the devil to get his hands off of God's property.

Here's the bottom line: you're going to have hard decisions to make, and the enemy is going to use those to make your mind an anxiety ridden warzone. All you have to do is remind him how big your God is, and remember that He has your entire destiny completely mapped out.

I invite you this week to take control of your anxiety. 

Shift your intention from "how are people thinking of me?" to "how am I thinking of others?" Stop worrying about what "might" happen and remember that God has it all worked out. Start saying no to people when you want to say no to them, no matter how upset they may get with you. 

God is too good for you to stay anxious. 

Jesus is looking at you with nothing but love. No matter what choices you make, he is sitting on His throne and saying:

"This is my child, and with them I am well pleased."