How to be Beautiful

I hate that you opened this.

I mean maybe it’s because you genuinely enjoy my writing and read everything I post, but odds are you clicked on it because you want to know how to feel beautiful -

which implies that you don’t think you are already.

I know, I know, lots of jumping to conclusions, and it’s only the first paragraph of this post - but am I wrong?

When I was younger, I was obsessed with this book series called “The Clique”. It was centered around these rich, beautiful, teenage girls who always wore designer clothes, lived in sprawling mansions, and were the most popular girls at their school. The main character, Massie Block, was this privileged, gorgeous girl who didn’t take crap from anyone. She was actually quite the bully, and is the antagonist for a majority of the series -

and I wanted to be just like her.

I was a quiet, awkward middle schooler who had braces and wore the same pair of excessively bedazzled Miss Me jeans pretty much every single day. I didn’t have a whole lot of friends, and I was a complete pushover. To me, Massie Block represented this beautiful and strong idealized version of myself that I wanted so badly to reach. I wanted to wear all designer clothing. I wanted to live in a house so gigantic that I had to wear a bell so my parents knew where I was. I wanted to have comebacks so quick that no one would dare mess with me. I wanted big boobs, perfect hair, perfect skin, perfect teeth - just like Massie.

I was obsessed. I would literally sit in my room and google “how to be like Massie Block” and take notes. I read every forum, every Wikihow, every single article that even mentioned her name. I wanted to be just like her.

What my 13 year old mind failed to understand was that, no matter how much I changed my outward appearance and actions, it wouldn’t fix the emotional turmoil that I was experiencing in my mind. I thought that if I was beautiful and rich and had everything I wanted at my fingertips, that it would make me love myself. That it would make me love my body. That I would look in the mirror and absolutely adore my reflection.

And you know what? I was right.

Now, 10 years later, I have all of the things that I wanted. I have clear skin. I have straight teeth. I have designer clothing. I have gorgeous friends. I’m quick with my tongue. I still don’t have boobs, but I do have an athletic frame that can wear just about anything. I am beautiful, and I have 2000+ Instagram followers to prove it. Middle school me was right - all I needed were these things. I no longer struggle with my self-esteem, I fully know my worth.

Haha. Just kidding.

It is very rare that I look in the mirror and like what I see. I think my face is too round, my stomach isn’t flat enough, my legs are too short - and these don’t even begin to scratch the surface of my insecurities. I’m guilty of weighing myself constantly, and punishing my body when the number on the scale goes up. I go through phases where I am fully convinced that all of my friends secretly hate me, and that my boyfriend is going to realize how much of a mess I am and leave me.

So, I scroll.

My obsession with Massie Block may have dissipated, but it is now manifesting in other ways - a Pinterest filled with “body inspo” pins. Bookmarked photos of beautiful women with flowing hair and rockin’ abs on Instagram. Obsessively scrolling through the exercise tag on Tik Tok. Googling new fad diets, and taking pages of notes on them so I can lose the 3 pounds I gained over the holiday weekend. I am constantly overwhelming my brain with comparison, taking note of and obsessing over the things that I wish I was.

I, like so many people, am stuck in a vicious and unhealthy cycle - a cycle perpetuated by the belief that I am not enough. The belief that if I was just a little bit better, I would be happy -

and my friends, let me tell you: this concept leads to nowhere but the path of disappointment and shame.

You see, there is always going to be someone better. There is always going to be someone prettier, someone funnier, someone smarter - someone who has the things you don’t. And then suddenly, without you even noticing, that “little” bit of change you were trying to make has turned into an unhealthy obsession fueled by an unreachable standard.

Now, what I don’t want you to hear me saying is that you should never try to improve yourself, because that is completely untrue. There is always room for growth and improvement, and to quote my favorite author Rachel Hollis, “you should always try to be better than the person you were yesterday - even if it’s only by an inch.”

I am all for self-improvement, but the way our world tells us to go about it is, in my opinion, completely wrong. I am a firm believer that, even on your worst day, you are worthy of love and compassion- even if you are not where you want to be yet.

So, with that in mind, how can we begin to love ourselves where we are? As we are?

First and foremost, we must begin to understand and accept the fact that God isn’t finished with us yet. Philippians 1:6 says this:

“Be confident in this: that He who began a good work in you will carry it onto completion until the day of Christ’s return.”

God isn’t just going to leave you where you are. In fact, He is doing little things to improve you every day, oftentimes without you even noticing. You are being molded and improved upon by your Maker every single day; He will never abandon or forsake you.

Not only that, but God’s standard of beauty is different than the world’s. You might look in the mirror and think “wow, I could lose a few pounds”, but God looks at that same reflection and smiles in adoration. He sees someone made in His image. He sees you as a work of art, made and completely adored by Him. He cherishes you. You are His masterpiece - even with that zit on the end of your nose that makes you look like Rudolph.

The way you were made is not by accident. You will never look like those people online because you’re not them. You’re you - and that is a good thing.

Once you learn to fully accept that you - yes, you reading this - is fully worthy of love exactly where you are and how you are, those mental blocks you constructed begin to crumble, and what you are left with is the kind of peace that can only be provided by being completely satisfied in your Creator.

You want a hard pill to swallow? Well, I’ll give you one:

satisfaction with yourself does not come from within, it comes from above.

Learning to love yourself is not about you - it’s about loving the one who made you. It doesn’t come from the physical and behavioral changes that you force into your routine, it comes from letting go of every single standard the world is throwing your way, and gripping firmly onto the Father.

My high school youth group pastor gave a lesson on this topic that I will never forget - he said “the more you cling to Him, the more you become like Him, and the more you become like Him, the more you become yourself.”

You want to be beautiful?

You want to be loved?

You want to be worthy?

Newsflash: you already are.

You are all of these things and more. You don’t need to edit yourself to be worthy. Even in your worst moments, even when you don’t feel like it, even when everything around you is screaming that you’re not enough, you have the freedom to sink deep into the truth that you are fearfully and wonderfully made. God isn’t done with you yet. You are always getting better, and you are exactly where you are supposed to be.

You are gorgeous. You are capable. You are enough. You are intimately known by the God of the universe, and He delights in every piece of you.

When are you going to start acting like it?

_________________________

Meditating can be one of the best ways to connect with God, but if you have a busy brain (like me), all of that quiet can be overwhelming - so here are some songs to listen to while you listen for His quiet voice.

In over My Head - Bethel Music

King of Kings (Live) - Hillsong Worship

Faithful - Sarah Reeves

Your Glory / Nothing But The Blood (Live) - All Sons & Daughters

The Most Important Thing You'll Ever Read

Long time no see!

I was in the middle of writing a new post yesterday when my computer glitched and, to my dismay, deleted everything that I had written. I took it as a sign from God that He had something better in mind for me to write about, so I took a moment to pray and ask what it was. After about ten minutes, I got frustrated and decided to go for a drive. I listened to some worship music and started praying, asking God “well if I wasn’t supposed to write about that, what should I write about?”

The first song that came on shuffle was the song “Even So Come” by Passion. The entire premise of the song is about the second coming of Christ, and how His people are preparing for His glorious return.

And then something occurred to me.

After all this time I’ve spent talking to you guys about Jesus, I’ve never out and out explained the Gospel, which is quite literally the most important part of the Bible -

and what better day to do it than Good Friday?

I took a class a couple years ago about how to explain the Gospel in an effective way (shoutout to Jeff Dodge, author of Gospel 101), but I want to incorporate some things that I have personally learned in my faith walk as well.

With that being said, let’s begin.

The second song that came on shuffle for me was “Good Good Father” by Jess & Gabriel, so I thought I would start off by talking about who God is.

I remember a pastor saying one time that whatever comes to your mind when asked “who is God?” is the most important thing about you.

So, who is God to you?

What comes to your mind?

Responses vary, but I feel like one of the most common images people have of God is of this wicked, domineering, and often times cruel being who punishes us when we mess up -

and that couldn’t be more wrong.

God isn’t anything like that - just like the song title says, He is a good father. Unfortunately, because of sin and human’s natural tendency to be hateful and judgmental, people’s impressions of God are negative. We can’t wrap our minds around the idea of a “kind God” because often times, the people who are meant to represent Him on earth are not kind.

The cool thing about God is that he is nothing like humans. Yes, we are made in His image, but we are all sinful and fall short of His glory. Where we are judgmental, He is the embodiment of justice. Where we are unforgiving, He is full of grace. Where we are hateful, He is loving.

The next song that came on was “Even If” by MercyMe. This reminded me of another cool thing about God - He not only sees your hurting, He understands it. He experienced it. He knows your pain fully, and there’s no hurt so big or heart so broken that He can’t fix it.

If you’re reading this and you don’t believe in God or you haven’t gone to church because someone told you that “you weren’t” good enough or that “you don’t meet the standard,” then hear me say this: God is welcoming to all. It doesn’t matter who you are, where you come from, or what you’ve done, all are welcome. There’s not a standard of “goodness” you have to meet to enter His kingdom. You don’t earn your way into salvation. He created you, He loves you, and He wants you in His family.

The only thing He asks for in return is love.

Oh boy this is my favorite part.

2,000 years ago today, Jesus Christ was sentenced to death on a cross. The authorities whipped him with lead-tipped whips, stole his clothing and paraded Him through the city, forced Him to carry a 300 pound cross that He was eventually nailed to, and hung Him there to die.

Believe it or not, that wasn’t the most painful part.

No, the most painful part was when he took on the weight of all sin. God is too holy and perfect to be in the presence of sin, so when Jesus hung on that cross, God turned away from his one and only son so that He could fully take on the weight of my sin and yours. The most painful part wasn’t the physical pain. It was the separation. He knew when he came to earth what he was going to have to endure, but that didn’t stop Him from coming.

Are you understanding what I’m saying?

God sent His precious son to suffer for you.

Yes, you specifically. Not “you” as in the human race. You. You reading this. Jesus died for you. He saw all of your mistakes, all of your shortcomings, all of the things that you would do in your life, and He said “they’re worth it.”

When Jesus came, He was fully human and fully God (hard to wrap your mind around, I know. Some things we just aren’t really meant to understand). He had the power to stop the crucifixion at any time, but He didn’t. His love for you kept Him up there. He went to the grave for you.

But He didn’t stay dead.

Ahh. Goosebumps.

Yes, Jesus died on that Friday - but three days later, He rose from the grave, triumphing over death. When He rose, He held our salvation in His hands. Because of Him, we no longer have to bear the wrath of God for our mistakes. Jesus took care of it all.

Praise the Lord.

Back in Biblical times, there was a section of the temple called “the Holy of Holies,” which was God’s earthly dwelling place. It was such a holy place, that the priest could only enter once a year under incredibly special conditions. The Holy of Holies was separated from the rest of the temple, sectioned off by a veil.

Here’s the thing though.

When Jesus died, that veil was torn.

Like, literally torn. Ripped in two from top to bottom. This signified that, through Jesus, we now have free access to God.

Praise the LORD!

I understand that this is a lot to take in, so allow me to recap:

God is perfect and without sin.

Because man is naturally sinful (thanks a lot, Adam and Eve), we could not be in the presence of God.

God has one son - Jesus.

Jesus came to earth on a rescue mission.

He went to the cross and bore the weight of all of our sin.

He died.

The veil was torn.

On the third day, He was resurrected.

Because of all of these things, we now have 100% free access to God.

All we have to do is accept Jesus as our Lord and savior.

Because, well - He is.

This is the most important message you’ll ever hear.

Romans 3:23-24 says it like this:

“For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. Yet God, in his grace, freely makes us right in his sight. He did this through Christ Jesus when he freed us from penalty for our sins.”

So, who is God to you?

What comes to your mind?

He’s waiting at the door. All you have to do is let Him in.

I invite you to take just a minute out of your day to pray. Just try it.

What’s the worst that could happen?

If you have any questions or need clarification on anything, please shoot me an email or a DM (thelightclctive@gmail.com // @thelightclctive).

_________________________

Instead of giving you a song to listen to, I want you to go read John 19-20. It’s the crucifixion story. Read it. Believe it. Live it.

_________________________

Okay fine. I will give you ONE song.

The Gospel - Ryan Stevenson

Stand Up and Fight

My anxiety has been kicking my butt lately.

The thing is, nothing is really going on. Other than the normal amount of stress than accompanies school, I have absolutely nothing to be anxious about - yet I constantly have this overwhelming feeling of anxiety and dread that something bad is going to happen. It has become such a familiar feeling that I’ve grown completely numb to its presence in my life. I don’t even try to remove it anymore; it’s like a dark passenger that’s just along for the ride. Every step I take, it’s right there with me.

This has begun to impact my spiritual life. I keep calling out to God to remove this thorn in my side, but He doesn’t - and I get frustrated. I’m so unfocused that even doing the smallest of tasks like reading my Bible or journaling feel pointless. I find my mind drifting off to a dark place. A sinful place.

This has been going on for weeks. I was in desperate need of an attitude adjustment. I couldn’t hear God’s voice, and I was beginning to think that He wasn’t even listening to my prayers.

And then He came down and delivered the most powerful spiritual uppercut that I have ever received.

I was trying to do some Bible reading, and I could feel my mind beginning to drift and think about other things. I was determined to focus though - I was so tired of this anxiety - so I audibly yelled “NO” and pushed those thoughts out.

And all of a sudden it clicked.

I have the strength in me to say no.

A light in my brain turned on and illuminated all of the darkness that I had been sitting in for weeks. All of the crap that I had been holding onto, all of the sinful thoughts, all of the guilt and shame and anxiety that I was feeling was bathed in light, and it was in that moment that I realized that all of that bad stuff had absolutely no power over me.

And then God spoke.

“Stand up and fight,” He said.

Stand up and fight.

I had spent weeks playing victim to my anxious thoughts. I had let them completely consume the precious space in my head. I thought that there was nothing I could do about it, and that this darkness that I was feeling was something that I was stuck with. The enemy had convinced me that I had no power over my own thoughts - how ridiculous is that?

We are a sinful people. It’s in our nature to sin. It’s literally bred into us. The cool thing is however, that while it is our tendency to lean towards sin, through Christ we have the ability to say no. We have the power to crush every negative thought that passes through our minds. The same spirit that brought Jesus back from the grave is alive in us. The same spirit that triumphed over sin is alive in us.

We are no longer victims to our anxiety.

We are no longer victims to our sin.

Jesus dying on the cross ensured that we never have to be victims again.

After all of this, God lead me to 1 Timothy 6:11-12. It says this:

“But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance, and gentleness. Fight the good fight of faith. Take hold of the eternal life that you have been called to.”

It goes on to say this in verse 20:

“Guard what has been entrusted to your care. Turn away from the godless chatter and false knowledge of the world that has been professed, and in doing so has wandered from faith.”

God created your mind to be a dwelling place for Him. Your brain is a sacred place in which God communicates with you and reveals to you his purpose, as well as His love and grace. Your mind is not a place for anxiety. It is not a place for sin. By feeding into those feelings and thoughts, you’re desecrating the precious gift that God has given to you. The enemy is going to lie to you and tell you that you’re not strong enough to change your mind. You don’t deserve to be happy. This is just how things are. He will tell you anything he can to ensure that your mind stays dark -

Don’t believe him.

It’s a daily battle. You have to want to overcome it - and I have faith that you can. Dive into your Bible, even when you don’t feel like it. Arm yourself with the goodness of the word of God. Your strongest weapon against the enemy is the truth of the Gospel.

You don’t have to be a victim anymore.

You deserve a clear mind.

You have the power to say no.

Stand up and fight.

_________________________

Songs that are sure to pump you up for battle:

You Make Me Brave - Amanda Cook, Bethel Music

Singing in the Victory - Austin Stone Worship

Gravity - Jenn Johnson, Brian Johnson

I Love You - Sarah Reeves

Call Upon the Lord - Elevation Worship

_________________________

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xo

@thelightclctive